Suding's Story

Happy Chinese New Year

2012-01-24T16:56:00.000-08:00

New Year, New Hope, New Clothes, New Mind, New Idea, New Life, New Face, New Heart.

Looking forward year 2012 to be filled with lots of love, happiness, prosperity, fun and laughter!!!

Congratulations Er Jie

2011-12-25T21:50:00.000-08:00

Lessons and Changes

2011-12-21T04:38:00.002-08:00

Dear Nic,

I miss you so much. I wish anything that happen in my life now, I can hold on to you. Day after day, I already get used to your silence. It feels like you are lost in real world and lived in my visual world, in my heart.

Today, something nasty happened. I read on the horoscope for tiger. It's so true, that I will face some kind of accident. Asking to be careful. And it did, it just happen.

I learn so many lessons lately. It may sound too old to be learning such a simple lesson.

Lesson will arrive to you naturally when you need it. But it is through pain, that the lesson can be bold enough in your memory.

I cried so much, I cried so hard, I tried so hard. It's all been my evil, my mistakes, my wrongdoings, my wrong understanding, my wrong conception, my wrong principles, my wrong believe. But never mind, everything had happen. I cannot turn back time and fix all the wrongs. Time never move backward, so don't waste your brain power thinking backward, instead put your head up and follow the flow of time, for time only travels forward.

Things that you love, even if it is not the things you love most, you must remember to appreciate it, treasure it, protect it all the time, take the BEST CARE on it, clean it, love it sincerely, and always always make sure the thing is in low risk of accident or damage.

Stop comparing, start value what you have right in front of you. Stop being greedy. One is enough, you don't need many. It applies not only on relationship, it also applies on you friends and family. You can't keep on changing friends, but treasure good friends around you. Take time to buy them gift, keep growing the friendship, keep growing family ties and bonds, that's what make living beautiful, wonderful, warm and safe.

Use money wisely. Don't simply waste it on unnecessary things. Money can help to create better lives around you if you manage your money properly. There's no object you can buy best with money. There's only beautiful feelings of love best invest with money.

The way I put things up, just show that I'm not a businessman type. I am just a girl who is going to work for a company with a good income and make the best in my life.

Working life has show me so many things more I didn't see before. And I start to think and wonder, why this person ends up like this, why that person ends up like that, why a man at age 40 is nothing at all- and we can see how sour he is to himself. But also why, there are some other people who can lead a very good career life, very good family life, very good personal life. WHY?

Have you ever wondered? It started off with he himself. What he want to create in this life. Know yourself well. You will know what is it you want at the end of the day. Everyone has a direction in themselves.

What's the most important thing you need to have. You got to have a vision on it. If you failed to have any vision, you'll probably end up lost and end up the sour soul when age catches you up.

I'm 25, I feel I'm nothing. Yes I had a good job to progress in. But in terms of my moral values, I agree with myself that I'm still very poor at it.

As I grow up, I realize there's so many things so much important than having a good result, a good grades, a good outlook. There are many people out there living a very simple life, not many achievements in their life but they are constantly getting what they want in life. People as such do not need achievement to prove to others they are great. In fact, they are at their best to themselves for their soul is always fulfilled with satisfaction on the daily basis.

Why wanting so many things in life and making your soul feeling desperate, empty, depress, stress, pressure, lonely, and difficult?

Does difficulty in life is what makes people grow? Do people want like to put themselves in a difficult situation?

Look around us, how many of us take a good chance to greet the uncle next door good morning? Uncle how are you doing? How's your daughter? Things like this. How many of us will have the courtesy to do such a thing? And do you know that this courtesy is such an important values in a society?

People nowadays, are becoming more and more personal. They think they can socialize nicely by just going into Facebook looking at the pictures of others' life. What it is? Make a beautiful life of your own. Starting from today. Don't waste your time looking at other's life. Start sketching your own one today.

I'm talking too much of general things.

I want to say something about him here.

God gave me a beautiful man, I didn't treasure it well enough. This is definitely my own wrongdoings. I accept it, I learnt the lesson and I promise myself no second time of same wrongdoings.

It's a lame excuse if I say to myself that this all happened because I am not sure of my direction, and what I truly want. If you don't know your direction and goal, then better off don't get involve in anything. It's really bad to be with someone cause of the fun you see you can obtain.

I had left Sim. We both are no more. The lesson is, be firm in your decision. Once decided move on. Do not look back. Do not let what happened in the past damage what you possibly could have in your current or future life. It was such a simple advise to take from anybody out there, but I couldn't apply it on myself until I lose everything I learn it now. Again, no second time of repeating this same mistakes. It has been repeated for quite long time. And now I will not let it happen again in my life.

Time. Incident. As time travels, incident happen. Once incident happen, things will never be the same again. NEVER. People may give you a few chances before, but once you failed to hold the chances carefully on you hand, you lost everything. When things happen, people make decision and their decision is firm as well. Choices are for you to make when people haven't make the final decisions. Once the decisions is made, you can not change it any more. The decision is FINAL.

People say, just forgive and forget. Yes you may do so, but not repeatedly over the same thing. I can forgive my friend stepping on my foot for once. I can also forget it. But if my friend steps on my foot everyday, and claimed that it's accidentally. And each time he steps on it, he said ops, will I be able to forgive this friend? NO. I probably will scold him if I still care to be friends with him, or I completely ignore him. And can not forget his immoral act on me.

That's best describe what had happen. I'm the one who is doing the stepping repeatedly.

Do not repeat in your mistakes. Avoid it best. Do not repeatedly talk to your friends on the same thing over and over again, people will get bored over it. It's the same thing, I keep sending him the same messages over and over again. He probably is bored over it. It's keeping his interest on my messages lowest. Maybe I can come up with something interesting. Some joke to cheer him up, some stories to make his day better, some encouragement, some positive situation to be inspired from. Yah. I should stop sending all the boring messages that reminds him how sad we both are. I should create some attractions. Yeah. But not now. He probably delete all the messages I send to him. Probably he isn't reading any of it. He just oh. it's from 016-4588789, select all, delete. Settle. No fuss.

Sigh

2011-12-12T05:12:00.001-08:00

game over

I have no holes to move

because all holes are perfectly cover up

Is this call don't have fate?

He's firm. Extremely firm.

What can I do::

2011-12-11T21:21:00.000-08:00

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, no more aching
No more fighting, no more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me

Summary of 2011

2011-11-26T19:13:00.000-08:00

So many events happened this year. Good bad. All came together. But it's going to end soon. I cherished every event, moment happened.

Forced To Be Strong

2011-11-26T18:16:00.000-08:00

It's over.
Wake up please.
The chapter had ended.

This is a new chapter.
My life has gone through many chapters.

Sometimes I think what I should do when I miss him that much.
I felt the deep suffocation.
What can I do to stop that suffocation?

sigh.
You can be rational.
You can be strong.
You can be tough.
But you can be so struggling keeping up the positive mental attitude and keep on convincing yourself this is all right.

Sometimes, we need tears to wash away all the pain that was chocked inside.

Bored of Relationship

2011-10-30T17:42:00.000-07:00

I've never felt this bored of relationship.
Being controlled.
Being jeopardized.
Is not the kind of thing for me.

I'll see if things will change and grow.
If it's not, then I'll definitely leave.
I'm very sure of this decision.
I will not turn back.
Strictly decisive.

I forgotten what does I felt before
When loving someone so much
And the other person do not
Why staying together anymore

I just felt a strong strong urge to leave
No matter what happen
2012 in Penang
Then I'm off somewhere in the Earth

People said,
Listen to your heart
And I know it much
My heart did not want to continue this boring relationship
Anymore

I want to move on into something fun, exciting, happy, lively
Not something like this at all
I cannot live like this
This is not me

If I'm so so sure, perhaps I can call it off in a week or two...
Another break up
Ah just deal with it
I can start all over again

New romance again
New chapter again

I had enough of him,
I'm seriously bored
I'm seriously tired
Having to please him over and over again

I just want to be myself
Having all the fun I always know I'll enjoy
This is just not for me.
ADIOS

Still down the Hill

2011-10-04T20:05:00.000-07:00

Everything is fucked up.
Nothing seems fine.

Let it flow let it flow.
Till my luck gets better.

Little Complication

2011-10-02T19:22:00.000-07:00

Well well, relationship are headache. I just want to learn to don't care so much. Just go out. Just hang out. Just hug. Just kiss. Don't get deeper. Simple. Less complication. Don't invest too much emotion.

I don't know what kind of life I want to settle my life with. But let's just see how it goes from here. Well we like it here. Easy life. Not so much excitement anymore.

Wonder if I should get out of Malaysia for a living in few years time? 25 is not young anymore. It's the borderline to settle down my life with something.

I am happy to learn in this corporate world. Now I had see how realistic materialistic it has become.

I guess, I gave up ____ already. There's no point going into anymore. The world is so huge. There will be something good for me, I believe. Having faith in life is important. It will attracts what you're faithful in.

Peace. Serenity.

Gigantic lesson

2011-09-26T09:13:00.000-07:00

Difficult emotion
Guilty within
Weighty within
Loathed this to happen

Sensed everything was wrong
Been acting differently
Not as friendly as before
Not as cheerful as before

Relationship with people dropped
What has gone wrong
Not interested in good terms
Lost attraction on connection

Learned heavy lesson

1. Stop doing any work hastily
2. Guard invitations, orders and instructions heavily
3. Punctual, earlier and ready to wait
4. Think twice at least, or many times, or ask one, or a few before action
5. Humble in your speech and act
6. Take advise with open heart and check when words of wrongdoing came
7. Learn quicker, listen attentively, work harder but smartest.
8. Make all essential preparations to enter a new day
9. Check thoroughly, careful of thorns, confirm with documents- black and white- chop and sign!
10.Calm, logical, rational, professional, intuition to decision, not feeling, emotion, mood, repulsive.

Found Direction

2011-09-19T18:39:00.000-07:00

Glad to have found

Where What Want

Money is power

Money is freedom

Disbelieve in saving

Believe in managing

Believe in expanding

Believe in increasing

Believe in business

My goal is medium

Start off with small

My dream is beautiful home

With all classy design, furniture

A house with garden

Always inspired by classy feeling

Classy music is sweet

Someone to share this life

Work hand in hand

Step by step to beautiful dream

Hyundai Tuscon

Semi-D with garden

Good enough in my perfect living

BOYS

2011-09-14T06:23:00.000-07:00

Had an interesting and fun conversation with my colleague today.

I was about to go back.

Making U-turn.

And there, he was standing alone showing sign he's free and relaxed.

I was tired. Exhausted after long day in customer's factory.

I stop and pull down windscreen of my car.

Both of us showing sign, we can chat.

We started talking about our company's management, leadership, shitty people inside and all.

And then we go deep into the importance of psychology.

Till then, we are talking about boys girls courtship.

By the time I am driving back, my mind is full of useful information that I told myself it would help me to grow a great relationship someday.

From what I've read from a book titled "Act like a lady, think like a man", the main needs of a man is support, love, and cookies. And when a man really loves a woman, they will profess, provide and protect.

Today, my finding from the conversation is man needs freedom and a great amount of dignity. How true is this? I am still thinking.

To make a man buying things you want most, giving you tonnes of surprises, doing crazy things just for you, you'll need to know how to pull and push his heart. A man can love deeply, perfectly, but he will not have the drive to do anything to spice the relationship. On the other side, the woman is demanding wanting many things from the man. Having a man who loves her so much isn't enough. Woman wants to feel emotionally connected, emotionally triggered.

What a woman should do, is to rub her man's heart. The more rubbing the stiffer it became. LOL. You've got the idea. So...... good luck with that.

I will experiment and see how good I can go.

Yes, when a man is courting a woman. If the woman likes the man and feels he is good enough, she should show sign that she's fine with him. If she show sign she's off, the man will back off as well. So, at the courting stage the woman should show on and off sign of wanting this man even though she desperately want this man. This is to make things more difficult for the man for man loves challenges. Easy come easy go. Difficult to come, difficult to go. AHA.

Lastly, do not be afraid to reject sweetly. Do not be afraid to push away. But be smart not to push away too hard, careful not to make this man fall down and not come back anymore.

The more you are able to push away, and the more he is able to stand up and come back. You've got in control on this GAME.

Defeat or Victory. Yours to decide.

Tired

2011-08-25T03:19:00.000-07:00

Oosh I'm so tired.

3 nights in a row come back home late.

Feels immune at first.

But this tiredness is hitting me hard.

Everything's so messy.

It's time to change.

To get tidy.

To get organized.

To get my things to work smoothly.

To start self-learning.

To start motivated.

To start inspired.

I got to get things moving.

Time and tides wait for no man.

Make A Wish

2011-08-23T19:42:00.000-07:00

One wish

I wish I get a man of who can give me a perfect feeling and security to build a happy and prosperous life together.

Unstable

2011-08-23T17:58:00.001-07:00

Unstable period of time

Washed away with tears

Not from me

Another party

Instinct drives me
Pushing me to find out

The truth behind

Answer is what known

Denying the fact

Not wanting to face

Is not solution

For my insecure heart

Many uncertain

Chooses

Bright side

Tough times don't last

But tough people do

Not afraid

Just praying

For a good man

To share

My LIFE

Time Will Tell

2011-08-01T18:25:00.001-07:00

I cannot know if I will be with him or him for long

I cannot know if I will work here or there for long

I cannot know if I will end up with a jerk or a beauty

I cannot know if I will build a stress-free or a stressful family

I can know, I can take control of my inside

I can know, I can take control of my mentality

I can know, I can take control of my happiness

I can know, I can take control of my character

I can know, I can take control of my financial

I can know, I can take control of my will power

I can know, I can take control of my soul

I can know, I can take control of my belongings

I can know, I can take control of my career

I can know, I can take control of my society

Week at Wong Engineering

2011-07-29T15:54:00.000-07:00

It was fun time to learn and spend time with 4 Japanese guys.

Charismatic as it may be, he is also born in the year of tiger same as me.

Drinking last night was not bad.

The round table was too big.

We exchange some shyness in our eye contact.

I guess there isn't much love.

He is the man who will grow Malaysia office rapidly.

But too bad, I might resign.

His incapable GM to see a good remuneration package could grow the company.

An investment worth to put off.

It's below market value.

Don't they know or understand the salary of a position of this standard?

I'm worry I'll shock everyone.

I'm worry I'll disappoint everyone.

I'm worry I'll get bad karma.

I'm worry I might take people for granted.

No doubt the capability of me growing this company is there.

But there's no drive in it.

Betrayal, below market value is all that's hurting.

Why is this big MNC company, with workers having to make ends meet in their finance?

Profitable for sure.

Worker eat cheap food to survive.

Why is that so?

Working with a first class company.

Surviving third class income.

It's all politics.

Incapable leader is letting things to happen and not changing.

What do I want?!

2011-07-21T03:30:00.000-07:00

Salary satisfaction?

Comfort zone?

Working environment?

Family like environment?

Loving caring environment?

Challenging environment?

Easy life environment?

Father like manager?

High standard manager?

Or a manager that will smile at me caused I've learned my lesson?

Am I ready to leave my beautiful life?

Will I like myself to step into a hazardous life?

If I were to leave, this is just like a break up to me.

My lovely friends, so lovely friends, so chilling up friends, so fun comfortable friends, so humorous friends, so kindly friends, so laughable friends, so sweet and dear friends... Am I ready to leave them for something out there? I love them so much, but can I be with them longer or will I able to leave?

Oh oh, what do I want Tan Su Ding?

I can't even figure out what type of man I want to land myself into.

Sometimes I like mature & strong hard guy, but sometimes I like soft lovely childish guy.

Things that I want or like is all completely opposite to one another.

Sigh. Why I can be so confused? Has I lost the will power to choose; to really want something anymore? I used to know very clearly what I want. What path I wanted to travel. I was once too dried out on my journey in getting what I want. Might be, the exhaustion is still dancing in my bone.

Do I like easily? Do I love easily?

One note: Why he didn't pick up my phone? Probably he needs to think about me and not ready to see me. Alright, I will take this answer to myself. Sigh.

Sleepless Again

2011-07-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

Oh oh... can't sleep due to emotional rush, due to the supplement mum gave me.

Throat is not feeling well.

Well well. I think I love him. Don't think of anything and enjoy the process. Step by step oh.

Perhaps It's Time for Change

2011-07-06T01:44:00.000-07:00

I can't be here for long.

For I was forced to embrace it.

The first step to this place is broken.

There's no meaning left to stay.

I will be here till my luck gets better.

For I'm still lazy to move out.
Time will slowly unfold opportunity.

I will go out and fight in new battle.

Things maybe a lot different.

I will meet different people.

I will grow way better.

Wiser leader in me will unfold.

I sometimes wonder.

Why this world is this way.

Stronger will I be.

Better will I become.

Different leadership.

Different values.

All I need is.

The power inside me.

To FIGHT for a new chapter.

From the interview.

I was acknowledged.

Good. Strong. Over Confident.

Yes I may.

For the best or the worst.

I take the risk.

Of doing the best.

For this demanding soul.

Torn Apart

2011-06-30T04:02:00.000-07:00

I'm attracted to both men.

Both won my heart in every way.

Now I'm going to distance myself away from them.

No more seeing each other so often.

No more complicating my heart.

I can't do my work properly.

All I see and think is them.

I can't sail in two ship at one time. this is fact.

Working Now

2011-06-21T01:54:00.000-07:00

Yah. I am waiting for the backup to be restored into SDD.

I've had the time of my life

And I've never felt this way before

And I swear this is true

And I owe it all to you

I've had the time of my life

Well well, I have to admit that all this good joyous truest beautiful moments with friends, family and colleagues is happening right now for quite sometimes, and it smells forever.

3 men into me. The poorest man stands the boldest in my heart and the richest man stands the thinnest in my heart. Who says money matters most? I'm living it my way. Rich doesn't mean much to me. It's the compatibility, personality, characters and giving, providing ability that counts. Money don't sound when it comes to choosing a partner.

I'm not too sure which one I'll get along with in the end. Too good to be true. I'm glowing glowing glowing.

I don't care what's going on next, I'm thinking hard about perseverance of emotions and balance as such.

I want it all want it all want it all.

Love------

2011-06-12T21:52:00.000-07:00

What may come has come,
What shouldn't come has come.

Sigh, sometimes I hate my honesty to tell what's behind. But I am not strong to keep everything to myself. Will this honesty bring damages in between?

Sister is safe. But not mum! She tells dad everything. Obviously dad shouldn't know things which is raw. He should only tastes the delicious cooked up food.

Now that I'm half doomed. Sending my own misery to others. I think I may have get others into complicated thinking.

Congratulations

2011-05-19T17:35:00.000-07:00

I feel proud with what he had achieved so far. Proudly, this had always been want I wanted to create in his life. Now he had more than he expected in his career life and don't want me in his life anymore, and that marks the end of our 4years relationship. We are now officially off.

He called and ask how should he share his love and happiness with me when we are so far apart in distance. Well, I told him perhaps this is our fate and destiny. Find happiness at your own.

Feeling proud and great for helping this man who is in depression, very pessimistic, and heavily negative in his thinking. And now, I had successfully transform him into someone optimistic, strongly believe in his own dream, and way much positive thinking than he is before. Though this relationship has to stop right here, I feel all this years is not a waste but something that happened, something very meaningful in my life for I had done something great in his life.

I feel really good looking back at the change he had. From someone in horribly deep shit, emotionally critical into someone respected with loads of money for him. He work really hard, and with little smart. Now, I'm directing and inspiring him to work smart and leave work hard slowly. The result will be tremendously amazing.

Again, I feel good for the achievement he'd got. For this is what I intend to create, and now I see the result. Hoooooooorayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Blue Day

2011-05-12T03:54:00.000-07:00

Very very very very very very sad!!!!!!!!!
Pendrive lost! I like this pendrive so much because it was provided by the company and now it is lost!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wuuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuuuuwwuuuuuwuwuwuwuwu.........

Am I Scary?

2011-05-11T06:58:00.000-07:00

I'm down down down down.

I think my manager can be shocked and afraid of me when I suddenly doing things that didn't have sign on my face.

Keep telling myself, reduce outing, reduce dinner outside, but I still failed to reject the dinner invited to celebrate H's birthday.

I needed! not want! Yes I needed more time at home clearing and cleaning what should.

I don't know where I am heading in my life. I take advise from my manager seriously. Build strong foundation, don't involve in politics. Talking about my manager... A lot said that he is like my father. In terms of his age and my age, he appears like my father. We speak hokkien and sense some gap due to the age gap.

Sometimes, I do disagree with what he said but yet I have to agree with respect. No doubt I respect him a lot. Respecting doesn't have to agree and follow his way/style completely. Sometimes I disagree but I still respect. When he pushes me doing things which I felt is wrong, I higher my tone when speaking to him clarifying how wrong it is and look away.

Sometimes, I feel he is afraid of me. When I create chaos that is beyond his imagination and prediction.

I do not know why, I am acting such a way. Is that just me? Who am I? Can I like-respect-support-love-enjoy-follow all the way to the end in a work relationship without any horrible feeling on both party?

Sometimes, I feel like I am betraying people around me for my uncontrollable action. Will they feel that I'm scary?

When I am in silent mode, it means I am arranging my strategy. I put my strategy into action immediately when the confident of winning touches the green level.

Sang happy birthday song to Hafiz today. He is same age as me. Yah, he is one of the most rational man in the office. Of cz Chia and Hafiz are equally rational. I like the idea of being rational.

After 1year of leaving uni, I learnt that a good leader-management must not make decision based on emotions-politics-gossip-relationship. This will only make your work even harder, add working pressure, worst of all, is when your co-worker look down at you with their pair of eye. One sour fact is that, many decides based on relationship! High importance for a sales person to build good relations and gives high attention to their customers.

I'm sorry to most people who see my sour face for many days at office.

Why

2011-04-06T06:07:00.000-07:00

Why there isn't a place for me to keep my handbags?
80% of the things I have is rubbish.
But why do I bother keeping them?

This house suppose to be comfortable, but there are too many rubbish. I do keep memorable things, but I don't like to keep things which doesn't unfold meaning or memories.

I hate owning things, because it means my responsibility in guarding it becomes more.
I'm very sad with my croaked teeth. I can't bite at all with my front teeth. I need to get envanline dentin as advertised by xiaxue.

Sigh, life is so meaningless. I don't know what to do. I think too much,I know too much, I asked too much, I questioned too much.

Being me is just so complicated.

About office

2011-03-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

Sigh
Sien
Lazy to work.
Feels like I am working for others.

There is war. There is complication. I wonder how people think about me.
I was thinking, they must have been hating me alot. I am thinking, they must have been thinking I am a bullshit. They must have been thinking that I am stupid. They must have been...

I am not a good player. Sometimes I failed to love people genuinely, but I want to do my best in loving people who cares so much about me.

Sigh. People I trust ends up telling lies, ends up acting. Why is it so hard to just simply trust people?? Why is it so hard for people to help me with simple job?? Why must they make it difficult for everyone for the love of politics??

Sometimes, I feel people are scary. Why can't they just be true to me like how I am to them?

Sigh, sigh sigh.

It's been a month long

2011-03-28T05:22:00.000-07:00

Disappear from blogging for sometime. I'm here to announce that I'm still doing good great and fantastic.

Though work politics is pushing me to stick my face on the wall.... I would like to think, I'm grateful I'm not jobless. I'm grateful my life is able to get proper balance between personal leisure, family, partner, and friends.

Live life care freely, live happily, live cheerfully, live energetically, live peacefully, live harmoniously, live beautifully, live lovingly, live positively, live fantastically, live wonderfully, live crazily, live meaningfully, live it on live it on.

YAY!!!!!!!!! cheers cheers cheers.

My Hope On You

2011-02-28T05:07:00.000-08:00

Saw an advertisement on a job that could offer 7K of salary with one solid year experience. The salary can go up to 10k if you are more experienced. Would someday this kind of money flows to me? aha...

Good news is that Makabe the Japanese boss suggested me to the Singapore Expo and the good news is that the all expenses are taken care by the Singapore office. Appreciate him much.

This morning, my boss told me he got a big hit from Makabe when he was here at Penang. Pity him nia.

Politics

2011-02-23T03:06:00.000-08:00

Wished there is less politics, more peace and serenity in my office.

When I pray, I should include this.

I thought this small office is free from politics. Yes, KL office is badly affected with politics, but please don't let the virus affect PG office k!

A kind moment in life to remember:

I was going to customer place. Without asking my colleague where the exact location of the office is, by just google it, I drove all the way down to Kulim just to find myself in a very wrong place. I was lost in a big city of Kulim Hi-Tech Park.

So, I had to call my colleague and he asked me to call my customer to ask for direction. This customer was so kind, he offered himself to come to find me to direct me to their factory without me requesting. I feel touched by their kindness. This world is beautiful when everyone helps each other, showing kindness and care even to the people we don't even see before.

Life Dilemma

2011-02-21T05:33:00.000-08:00

Should I buy a house? Should I buy a car? Should I travel more? Should I this should I that....... It's not easy thing to achieve right?

I was informed of something quite ugly today. I should take it positively. Shouldn't take things negatively at all.

Okei, today on, I am going to live a more disciplined and well managed life.

Need to clear my wardrobe again and also my messy make up drawer. Life is so difficult over here at Malaysia. The rich get richer the poor get poorer.

I see more perspective of Malaysia, and it always ended up disappointing. Look at the society, look at their lives. It's all shopping mall oriented. Who becomes richer?? Have you ever ask yourself, why every shopping malls in Malaysia is the same?? The shops you can find in every mall is almost the same!!! Let me name a few here, they are always Himalaya, Watson, Guardian, PDI, Guess, Parkson, Bata, McD, KFC, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Subway and so on. There are only a few repeated branded shops that are able to survive in this high rental malls!! And I just find every malls are just the same. Even if you go up to Melaka, Johor, Penang, or KL wherever you see a big big malls, they are always with the standard branded shops. They are always the same!

You certainly can find Shihlin (Taiwanese food stall), New Zealand Natural, Baskin 31 Robins, Hot dog 1901. Hey people, they are all doing franchising all over Malaysia. People who support them, are making these boss who franchise their business richer.

We no longer find unique, inspired, special, artistic shops in malls. Enthusiast, talented, visionaries, entrepreneurs young people are able to run their business through websites only. Chances are decorating their websites that appear like a shop to them. We shoppers paying some big shit amount of parking just to see the dominant business seller in the market, from a place to another.

And those people who don't have their own standing often find themselves drowned into the blind society of buying fancying and aiming for branded bags and clothing. They themselves become poorer in order to support the rich. And so the rich get richer.

Until today, I still fail to find the meaning or the excitement or the permanent happiness if I were to own some branded bags that would cost 100% of my pay. I would be happy enough with a 70% on sale bag with pretty good design that can serve me well.

I would find my money well spend on helping people, on creating a good relationship/friendship, on creating meaning in the life of others or just giving to the poor ones who failed to fill their stomach with healthy food.

Why do I see the world in such a way? Maybe because I am still not a parent. Maybe someday when I am a mother, I wouldn't say all this. I would just reserve the best for my kids maybe?

I still think doing the best is the best words to live with. Cheers

Finally Free

2011-02-12T01:56:00.001-08:00

This whole week, after work was full of outings! And I hit the bed dozing off to sleep in minutes.

Today is the only day I am free from any friends invitations. Yet I am going over to a friend's place after dinner.

I was thinking if I am keeping too many friends? From what am I going to benefit from all that? People used to tell me, we need only a few close friends not big amount of hie bye friends.

Today is the day, long awaited I am able to enjoy the whole day of doing nothing! Well rested. Hormone starts to get imbalance. With cravings for rojak, cravings for tasty food. Missing my bf.

Well well, I was originally a very lazy bum! I have to admit to this. Being lazy at home is genuinely me.

Tomorrow karaoke session with CBW girls. Been quite long since I mix and meet SGGS friends.

Su Ann asked me if I want her for today as she is going out with her friends soon, I didn't request her to stay, because I was so lazy to go out. And now, she went out already.. If she is around, we probably would have go to Sunway for Winter Warmers or Starbucks or Cendol session.

I love my weekdays more. It has been a fun time with my colleague at office. Everyone still not in the mood of work yet. I'm grateful for nice work-mate at office. Pray that all this nice bond can last as long as I am with this Company at Penang.

I like it when life is beautiful.

Friday morning, everyone is not working except me. I was still sleeping and my phone rang. Surprisingly it was my coll, offering to tapao McDonald as breakfast for me. And I drank a whole cup of coffee. The extra nice thing is that, she even put creamer and sugar for me! Starting to love her.

Some other day, dad would go morning walk early morning and go tapao food for us as breakfast. This is the most beautiful thing for me. I feel being pampered.

Some quiet people are actually a very nice people instead. I was working at my customer's place. Skipping my lunch. My stomach was co-operative due to the heavy breakfast of McD. But this girl realise I didn't have anything for my lunch and she offered me biscuits!! Also asked me if I want water. I thought I left my water bottle at car, she asked me to give me bottle and she can help me fill in. I appreciate this beautiful offer made my people I don't even know.

Received bad news from my teacher, as he is leaving to Bangladesh. I would have to work without much assistant from him. Sad sad sad.

Imagine how tough my work is. I am just 1.5 months old in this company and already start going to customer's place on my own.

I like my life here, one sad thing is my bf's work cannot be based Penang. Sigh... if only his dream job is available here...

Real Work

2011-02-11T04:11:00.000-08:00

Stupid me, trying to troubleshoot the first PC, still haven't repair the PCL server.

How how how.....

and a shocking news is that, my teacher is leaving to Bangladesh this Sunday! He didn't tell me the first thing I call him. Disappointed!!!!!!!

Then just now Mr. Tio insist that I finish it asap, and if possible ask Mr. Wong to come down.

Aih aih......

End of Second Week at Singapore

2011-01-21T17:56:00.000-08:00

We drove to JB's customer's place yesterday. He said he will drop me home. I was like fine.......... The trip to JB was with another sales man. I find myself enjoying the entire car ride. The jams on the road don't make me feel pissed at all, instead welcoming all the jams on the road. hahaha.. How bad I am. In the car ride, I have him accompanying me to kill time on Friday night.

All my friends here are not inviting me to anywhere. That's how unlucky or bad it was. Friday night is important for me to go out and spend some happy laughing night to welcome weekend~

It feels good to be having this chance to escape from home temporarily. I feel peaceful. But sometimes, too peaceful and too quite and the lonesome feeling kick in.

It was really a long journey to send me home, because he was using second link. The way to second link is not near either! Ahh what ever. We are traveling from first link, to second link, then from second link at Singapore to my house passing Orchard road. But I would like conclude that, the journey to my home was nice indeed. We pass through Orchard road, a busy street full of tourist and happy faces.

Then I saw this sign board showing the way to Acid bar, and I was saying oh Acid bar is here I came with friend before. And he immediately trying to twist his steering asking oh u wanna go down here I can drop u here. This words immediately pop out in my mind "mother fucker"!!

When we are at JB, this sales man had directed him wrongly to the hotel he wants to go. This sale man feel sorry for my teacher, cz we are stuck at traffic jam and when the sales man saw the restaurant he needs to go, he immediately say I will just get down from here, the restaurant is just right there I can walk over. My teacher made no indication to send him right in front of the restaurant. I was so pissed with his manner. How could he just put someone by the road side!

Singapore Training

2011-01-18T02:31:00.000-08:00

uuh uuh uuh

This is the second week I am here. For official training of my new job as a Consultant Engineer.

Now that I know clearly about my job scope, responsibility, career opportunity and most importantly my mentor.

He has been very kind and committed in educating me lots of things. Almost teaching and giving me everything that a new CE would have to know.

The first 4days of trainings went pretty smooth. Until the 4th day, he invited me to dinner with his wife and sons. From there on everything changes. It was a stressful night I would say. I went home trying to figure out why was that happening in front of me. Why was I feeling so much much awkwardness.

Coincidently, my best friend's house is just few doors away from his home. And that make the stressful drop some.

So on Friday night, I consult my friend who is a guy. And he helped me to interpret the whole thing and his opinion is that his wife might find out that he is interested in me, and that she finds a heavy need to meet me face to face with the hope that this girl his husband is working closely with will not destroy their happy family.

Complication complication. The worst thing of all, I faced sleepless night for two nights, mind full of worries and nonsense. Was imagining myself being a "gundik"!! I was like WTF. How could I become one.

Once, he told me that he was a very conventional, or old minded type of guy. But then, according to Chinese tradition, a man can have many wives as he wishes because his wife will have no say and that his decision is what the family has to obey. His decision on anything is final. It was a very "da nan ren style".

Through the period of us learning things together, he asked me lots of questions of my opinion on him. I always find myself stumbling in finding words for his answer.

So I had sleepless night on Sunday, welcoming Monday with lots of emotions, and mood twisting pushing me to go crazy for nothing. That sounded horrible enough. Something even worst happen then, he brings me to a meeting room for some private talk. He starts bringing the conversation in a long and windy manner. Keywords is that, he wants to educated me, instill in me the importance of Japanese working ethics and culture I should cultivate.

My face dropped immediately when he finish saying, this are the Japanese spirit that I have to bring along the way, and past it down to my future new staff someday. I was so anti-Japanese company already and I will have to implant this spirit in me, contradicts boldly.

After that talking session with me, the whole working hour duration he was not even talking to me, not even looking at me, not even bothered to find me existing. Until the work time is over, we start talking and he start teaching me AP100 Punching machine. We ended quite late. Almost reaching 9pm only I walk out. We both are so exhausted.

This morning, he bring me to the meeting room to talk again. This time, he was saying he had come to understand how "ang moh" oriented I am from his finding and realisation. His brain never stops thinking about work, about me even when he go back home. This is what I find. He said he will have to let me understand how importance it is for him to inject this Japanese blood to me, more important than all the all the software skills he is going to pass down to me. I reassure him with, I had talk about this over with my bf on the phone. And yeah, he pretty believes in my bf opinion, how did your bf advise you on this matter. My bf was sharing with me, whenever he go facebook or chatting, he would make sure that his junior won't see it as he didn't want t create a very bad example.

Now, he was a man who went through a life a man should. He was just a man who faces life difficulty and had struggle through before. Note that, he understands what it is to be a man finding career to define himself, he understands what are the values a girl should be having in supporting a man who are going through the perks and peaks of reality, he understands what it is to be a man who behaves in a nerdy and geeky manner, he knows best what are the values a good wife should have in order to carry the pride of a man. Pride the life of a man.

In fact, he actually had given me a very good answer to my searching in the problems I encounter with my bf.

Yah one important thing I almost forgotten to drop here.

He was talking about man, the fact of what man are. The kind of temptations that men must admit it took much from them to resist. Then he was telling stories of his trips to Myanmar with two other colleagues. And they went massaging. His colleagues was attracted to the girls, know their names and go back looking for the girl the following day. So, he was trying to hint me that men alway have desire!!!! I don't know what are this trying to indicate. I will think about.

It's getting really late here and I will have to go back. Think about it.

New Year Resolution 2011

2011-01-02T18:37:00.000-08:00

Back from Cameron Highland

With lots of inspiration

Of what I want to

It goes:

1. Speak less

2. Smile more

3. Save more

4. Read more

5. Eat less

6. Happy more

7. Confident more

8. Laugh moderately

9. Think less

10. Love more

Christmas Eve

2010-12-23T19:27:00.000-08:00

It is Christmas and I feel like going to beach. Spend some sweet time there. It's beautiful in my imagination, but I just wonder if it would be beautiful in reality.

With beer, mat, snacks, ice cream, cake, just sitting or laying under the sky with shining stars on the eve of Christmas, would it be significant allowing dense and lively emotions. With some space for romance. Oh my, feels like escaping to somewhere and enjoy sunset right away. Oh my, life is about making money and enjoy all these feelings!!

Sigh. Sometimes things happen again. I guess I had not guard thing from happening. Carelessly let it flow again. Sometimes, being silent and quiet is just perfect. After many years of being noisy, isn't it time for me to be quiet?? Okei. 2011 is coming real soon. So I gotta review my 2010 resolution and see from there if I had achieve them all.

Every passing day, I feel different about myself. Feels like I am growing older and not wiser at the moment. I gotta start preparing my room into a proper piece of heaven, and start laying out what are the things I would definitely need to do. I am not strong in my direction yet. This is not going to stay on forever.

I have to start something seriously. These are the things I always had on my mind when I was in uni. These are the things I told myself many times that I would start building. And I need to before I lost too much of time!!!!!!

crazy working day

2010-12-22T00:37:00.000-08:00

It's crazy because I sleep at 2.30am, after long hours of gaming!!! I love the game so much, because it makes my mind to think nothing but only the game. Loving it to maximum.

I was almost winning. Getting tired. Defeat the blue team, and then yellow team was rather weak as well. So I just simply arrange my team without reassurance with the thought I would definitely win with my stronger units all over. But I was wrong. Without proper strategy, I am losing my rockets and battleship one by one. Slowly my team become weaker.

Almost certain, that things you appreciate most can be lost easily. Instead, things you least appreciate will more likely stay with you. I had experience this many times.

Friends BBQ birthday party

2010-12-18T09:27:00.000-08:00

Laughed much. The BBQ was simply good. Was mixing with this group of born rich guy. Family business has made them enjoying life with loads of money. Too pampered, too secured with money.

Know what, this group of people smoke heavily, drink heavily, and will get gf to have fun with or to cure their loneliness. I felt I am way way different from them. But it was fun to mix with, especially their words can be powerful that you will laughed so happily! Or maybe it's from the liquor?!

I am now, one phone call and will make it to meet you. So flexible. It was nice, nobody to stop me from going out as much as I want. Even if Sim is around, he wouldn't stop me as well. I don't know if we will slowly grow apart, or the distance gonna make our love fonder. I don't know. We don't hang hours on the phone, I sometimes don't know what we are. Sounds complicated right. I really don't know. Life is like a maze. Every steps will lead to somewhere. In the end, you gotta know your goal, want, and need right.

First Day

2010-12-15T23:37:00.000-08:00

What I am going to face in this career path is still uncertain and all. But I get a few things from here, which sound promising. Salary wise, satisfied. Job scope wise, satisfied. Environment wise, acceptable.

Thinking back, if I should scold myself stupid or what. The offer I had got from Rotina group is actually much appealing than what I am having here right now. The one the old man offered me pays better than here in the long run. One main point I didn't accept it because of its based at KL. Or I would be so excited on preparing myself to Canada for 3weeks. Ou. How could I miss out on that. Sigh. It sounded like he would offer me a manager position if I do it nicely for him. A very profitable company with a handful of opportunities to rise. I rejected it, cause it was at KL. Simple and simple. I just want Penang or Singapore. Sigh...... If only I would be able to learn to accept KL life, I would be able to travel few times per month to Indonesia, Singapore, Korea and many more because he wants to travel less and let us younger generation to take care of his business with his supervision.

There's no use regretting, but still I want to feel it. This make me humour. Wished I would be send somewhere out of SEA for training. How wonderful could this be... The exotic feeling I can imagine.

Dooosh

2010-12-08T18:59:00.000-08:00

When I see my phone ring, I was thinking yah good you called to update me. Then she told me there are two important news to break to you. Both of them are not really a good news after all. Trip down south deferred. Double sob. Just look at the bright side would make things easier.

Ting coming to Penang this weekend. So going to ready some energy to have really lots of fun with her. Not meeting her for quite some time already, about one month? Is that long? Normal.

Went out with Lin today. Just somehow wish her to be staying at Chai Leng Park whenever I stay at Inderawasih. Somebody really nice to hang out with. Easy going, and yah some kind of chemistry, having some same level of frequency. Hard to find a friend so warm to be with. She's leaving soon. huhu

Frank Mc Court

2010-12-06T01:37:00.000-08:00

Oh oh... "McCourt died at a Manhattan hospice after a short battle with skin cancer. The author announced in May that he was undergoing chemotherapy for melanoma."

He was a talented writer, I love his writing to max!! He share with us, bringing back what was there in the early 18th century. How things was in details manner. His essays sound slow and smooth. And I wonder how he would remember all the things when he was just only 4 years old. Perhaps his childhood had give him too much significant suffering that the memory sticks on his mind.

Drowned into the past at America, his father was a horrible drinker and smoker. I wonder how could a man can be so stupid, so ignorance of his own family hunger for his own addiction towards smoke and alcohol. People who failed to move out of their addiction are weak and losers. Double salute and appreciate how my father would remove cigarettes smoke from his lung for his beloved family.

Fedex or Amada

2010-12-01T20:50:00.000-08:00

I am being invited for interview from Fedex, I am still in the midst of dense thinking should I grab this or not......... I already had an offer at Japanese company.

I definitely love US company very much more than Japanese company. I would definitely be extremely excited like how I did at Singapore.

But, my excitement at working as a business development executive had got me with a great disappointment. My highest energy to work out the best ends up a disaster. For now, my energy to work in sales/business development hardly grows.

Would my mental power be strong enough to grab the job? I am still trying hard to gather all my internal energy if I would be able to bring out the best in me. I am still thinking if Fedex is all that I want.

Would I be able to have this strong believe on Fedex like how I did for Girl Guide Association?

arghhh what to decide??? consulting engineer versus sales executive at Fedex?!

Any cravings?

2010-11-28T19:39:00.000-08:00

Painted the wardrobe.

Waiting for it to dry.

Been relaxing and endless facebook, endless pillow talk with my little sister.

I wanted to do more things during this time when I am having all the time I want.

But the thing is, I'm always feeling tired and tired and tired!!! Everyday always feels like don't have enough energy to move around.

Now, hopefully can get some people to come over to see if can install the ceiling light at my room. Need 4 of it.

After that, will be the painting session. Was thinking pink.

I am gonna stay here for at least 2-3 years long!!! So I need a good living space.

Then that's it. Almost done.

There are many things I had in mind, things I would buy and do to make my parents happy living. The whole thing is only about money.

New job starting on December 16th. Training at KL first.

I unconsciously will like to compare with others. But to think about, how can u actually measure the accurate comparison with others? Some people enjoy having lots of time and don't chase much for money. To some other people, their life lived to get the best partner, then doing whatever it takes to make that somebody happy is what satisfy. In the end, satisfaction matters most. Satisfaction is a very personalised aspect.

When you think that you are way successful than others in what you are having, doesn't mean that some other people will think that you are successful. Each and every one has their very own definition of success. One's success does not necessarily a success in the eye of another.

My aim now is to transform my room into something that will makes me feel elegant!

Yes, my satisfaction in life comes when I feel a strong aura of elegance in me.

On the other note, I was thinking to bring my family to have a very nice night at Cherating beach. BBQ by the beach, listening to strong wave melody from ocean. To stay a night at the resort I had been to. To enjoy the slow moving time.

All I am doing and thinking is to see an extreme happiness in the face of my old man. That's what matters now.

A little

2010-11-27T07:49:00.000-08:00

A little worried of the job offer that will come to me, because I will wonder if I will ever do it right.

A little worried of what life may become.

A little worried if I would be able to survive long in the job.

Tired of Interview

2010-11-21T23:01:00.000-08:00

Argh so tiring tiring tiring to keep going for interview, I want a real job offer. Something I will definitely want it when I see it.

What's the use being invited to lots of interview when there's no one good job offer? Good one, come one, swim to me one good definite job offer. Something that will give me a little pride, a little future, and tonnes of inspiration!

Thank you.

Neighbourhood

2010-11-20T19:51:00.000-08:00

What is wrong with Feng Shui, or Luck thingy going on around my neighbourhood ha?!!

Two neighbours, two fathers past away due to lung cancer! It's so horrific! I feel so sorry for them, it makes me really shiver. They both have a kid of my age, born in the year of Tiger.

I nearly lost mine and I would gather whatever internal power I had inside to want him to stay with us in this world.

There's so many shocking news this year. Many scary things happen. Quickly enter year of rabbit and let the world feng shui change.

Please, When.....

2010-11-20T02:08:00.000-08:00

Sigh

A bad word to start with on my blog.

Jobless.

Money getting lesser.

Wasting time endlessly.

Full of worries.

Down with flu, little cough, sniff sniff and phlegm.

Receive many phone calls.

Receive few interview invitations.

There's one phone call.

Full of beautiful description.

But then, there's no interview invitation.

Pleasant at the start, but irritating at the end.

What life is, if it is not complicated this way.

Unstable.

Unpredictable.

Changeable.

Insecurity.

On top of all that.

I learnt to be grateful better than ever.

For all this.

I am grateful for,

I had not once incapable to fill hunger

I had not once incapable to provide shelter

I had not once incapable to be healthy-movement freedom

I had not once incapable to love people around

I had not once incapable to receive love from my dear parents and sisters

and for someone to want me to be part of his life for as long as God allows.

Thankful than ever.

Miserable days at Malacca had ended.

Thinking back of my life then.

I would want to live this present life.

Forget the past.

Building solid foundation to future.

I care least what was behind.

For I care most what's today and tomorrow can become on me.

This picture below.

A happy tea time with sister and him.

What else could I ask for.

God had treated me fair.

Gave me something REALLY precious.

And gave me something REALLY hidden inside me.

It's an adventure for me.

To look for what I desired.

Once again.

I am thankful to maximum.

For I still had a complete happy family.

I would do whatever I can.

To keep this happy family for as long as God allows.

Received SGD pay check

2010-11-01T17:28:00.000-07:00

Been waiting for this for so long. Finally, received my pay check in SGD. Really excited when receive it. This is my first ever pay check in SGD!! A lot more compare to RM right?

Singapore life is awesome I would say. Life with my old best friend. I usually won't put her as best friend, but more of a true friend. She draws the beautiful life of mine during my high school time. And I'm glad she is part of my life again when I started my new life in Singapore.

You need a bf, you need your family, and you need a bff too in making life more solid inside out!

This is all need, not what you want! You sometimes just don't want them, but in the end finding yourself needing them! Life is funny sometimes.

Life is great in Singapore, the only missing thing is a great manager in the office. I won't know when the new manager is coming in, but I hope as soon as possible. I would really like it if someone can guide me through in my work. For now, I have to do everything on my own, it looks like pretty tough and yes it is.

I'm grateful, dad survives heart attacks and rest nicely at home. He is the best daddy in my life, giving me the freedom to have fun with my friends without limiting because he knows I am having good time with them, giving me the transportation needs when I still couldn't drive fetching me everywhere I need to and I was very demanding needing to go to many places still he fetches me with love, I would never forget what he had given me and will do my very best to give him what he needs.

2010-09-09T16:09:00.000-07:00

The Way We're Working Isn't Working

2010-08-22T09:15:00.000-07:00

Yeah, this is the book I get for myself when I made my one day trip with Sim to KL.

I don't know why, when I see this book I just want to buy it because I want to read it.

I was so lost in the working world, I hope I can find some answer through this book.

It cost me RM58.

I bought another two books. Total 3 books for RM114. It's gonna worth every Ringgit of my money.

Another two book is from Frank Mc. Court. I had talk about his book on my very first blog post in this blog. I realise the book I read is the second book. I bought his first and third memoir book.

I always think it's worth buying a book. I must pay the author, for bringing beautiful lessons and stories to entertain my life. Not many author are able to write really good book that will dance with my heart and brain.

But I won't watch original, because I think there are still millions of people out there who will watch original. So it kinda makes me think that my contribution is insignificant while the portion of money I have to pay is large.

I still have many books not finish reading yet. There's still many more books I want to read but not able to find time for it. I hope my coming holidays would be able to give me more time to do what I desire to do for long time. Magazines to read, weekly and monthly. I was now so back behind. Need to catch up, or else I would keep reading last month magazines to catch up with the latest copy of magazine.

Back to my main objective of switching on my laptop just to share this important conclusion from the the first chapter of the book.

"It is also true that if you're not actively working to get better at what you do, there's a good chance you're getting worse, no matter what's the quality of your initial training may have been"

Life sometimes is a joke. It's funny how I get a bf like him (someone perfectly opposite) that'll encourage me to read and and finally influence me to love to read.

Life is a sour for now, I hope things will change or improve eventually. Let's pray sincerely - I deemed this as something hard to achieve. I found myself often fail to be truly sincere in my prayers. I wonder how it can become.

It Has Been A Long Long Time

2010-08-09T07:26:00.000-07:00

Omg, I just can't find time to come here to blog. Time passes too fast, tied down with unhappy environment. Argh I feel so suffocated there...............

Hardly can find time to go facebook. In the office, have to curi curi go facebook. Sien!!!

I dislike my job, what the fuck right???

Oh my, I just don't know how. I just feel so strong that I should leave. I just can't can't can't bear to sit at office and sell spare parts. It's so borring, unchallenging, unmotivated, uninspiring. Maybe mostly because I didn't want to be here.

Last Singapore trip was nice and LOVELY. Meet up with all my sweet friends. And had some slow and sweet moment together.

Aha, what life is about. I start questioning the meaning of life, the meaning of working for someone, the meaning of making someone rich and richer.

I do hope Sim do not get stuck in a working world like me, I always support what he was doing because fact is working world is not just right for anybody.

I was so lost, LOST and LOST.

I want something just to have a little direction in my life though. I got quite upset when I screwed up last 2 days. What to do, this is life. Uncertainties, unpredictable, unstable.. argh it's just all inside me.

I got to promote good energy around me. I got to change gear, always change gear, the gear box also rosak liao. =_=

Confident issue, that's what Sim always said to me. He is so right. He understands me.

Working Adult

2010-07-10T17:08:00.001-07:00

Hoo haaa.... In a glimpse of time, I am not a working adult. No more crying for candies. I have to admit that it has been a long time ago since I last blog.

Since I'm done with MMU, I was so busy everywhere.

Let me update you on what has been going on since I reach Penang.

After one day resting at home, I must organize my my clothes in a proper wardrobe. Was searching high and low to find a good place for my clothes. It wasn't easy to find a place. Every sisters was occupying places. Even those who are not staying at home anymore has a bundle of clothes here. It took me almost 2-3days to finally finish placing all my clothes neatly and properly into wardrobe.

After one month, my clothes are all over inside the wardrobe. No longer properly organized.

My sister was having exam soon when I am home. She asked me to teach her add maths. So I guided her through for few days before I set off to Melbourne. I have to admit that I still have interest in add maths. It was always fun solving add maths problem. Perhaps, form four add maths was way simple and EASY. Haha~~

And yeah 11days at Melbourne was a like a dream come true. Extremely happy just pondering around the city. There are so many things to watch, so many things to observe. The feeling walking down the street was just simply great. A simple and yet contented trip I had. I had it on my way.

We didn't go to many places. But just go into detail in every street and malls in the city. We thought we had finish the whole city in the first 5 days. When we are at St. Kilda, we missed Melbourne city so much. That's when we think that we love city far more than suburban. We're supposed to spend the rest of the 4days at St. Kilda. But after a night there, we decided to pack our bag and go back to Melbourne city. At the city, I feel like "Yeah this is where I want to be!!!!!"

I have to admit that I'm more of a city girl than small town girl. Even though I might not spend time enjoying the city and spend more time in my own space, I would be happy just like that when I'm staying at city.

My memories of Melbourne?

The excitement of walking down the street, watching ang moh in the country, watching how people would have a cup of coffee on their hand while walking to keep themselves warm.

The excitement to meet my schoolmate there!! I was just ONE LUCKY GIRL. I meet friend here and there while travelling. Though I don't mean that I meet like many friends, it was just one friend I met that make my travelling so much meaningful. Thanks Shirley from Melbourne. Thanks Martina from Jakarta. Thanks Chenting, Sychiann and Andrea from Singapore.

I have to say that it's the best thing in my life. Fact is that the best thing in life only happens once in awhile. And yeah I'm not asking for more.

Shortly after coming back from Melbourne, I have to report to work. I was down with a little flu and fever on my first day of work. A lorry break down in the middle of Penang bridge on my way to work. Bad sign huh? Pretty much.

Then when I arrive at office, I felt warm. My senior instructed me to places I have to know, and introduces me to people there. I was shivering cold from the centralized air-cond. People in the office feel just fine with the temperature but not me. My body got so tired from fighting against the low temperature.

Work was pretty fine so far. Still a lot of thinking was in the process. I still can't figure out the foundation plan for my life. In the process of mapping @,@

Final Year Project

2010-04-16T08:21:00.000-07:00

Will this be really final year project? Me and Sim had the same doubts. We can always try our very best to do the best, but nothing is ever secured. Nothing is ever promising in life. Anything can turn wrong in life within seconds and minutes. We just have to be ready always like what girl guide had taught me, cogan kata pandu puteri "selalu sedia".

Another 11 days to presentation day. My heart is still sank with fear. I am easily afraid if anything goes wrong between this period of time. This is the critical time of my life. Seriously critical though its not a billion dollar business, but it's about time which money cannot replace. I am very sure I don't want to waste my time here anymore. I hope I will be able to do my very best in this time before 10th of May.

Studying for exam is easier than doing the technician job, drilling, screwing, measuring, sawing, and cutting. While Sim is doing the operator job with the bread board, from a hole to another hole and test.

Holy holy holy life, this is engineering life and I am 100% sure I don't belong here.

My bed room had turn into mechanical and electronic lab.. A picture describe all.

Really pray hard that everything will be xun xun li li.... After finalise the schematics, I want to go to temple to pray again. I can do my very best, but the rest is on God's hand.

Nearer

2010-03-20T22:01:00.000-07:00

I must think I can. The damn lab report need like 30 pages for only 5 marks. So "bo tat" =.=|||

Almost no choice here, cause I did very badly in my midterm test, so I got to give it all. In another 3 weeks time FYP report dateline. I understand everybody is very busy doing their last shot. I must too.

I am doing and doing lab report alone, no source, no friends to refer to. Tough eh. But this is my choice. I brought myself here, so I got to pull it through. Cannot give up. Cannot avoid the struggle, cannot put it aside. Face it face it.

Nothing being checked from the list.

FYP report
lab report
2 assignment

Focus focus focus focus||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

My Last Holiday of Uni Life

2010-03-15T18:18:00.000-07:00

Today is the last day I am back at Penang, because I am going back to Melaka tonight.

Don't know why I can't sleep well last night.

Brain reluctant to relax.

MMU life for another 55days only!!

And in one month time, FYP report got to finalise.

I have 1 undone assignment,

1 lab session this Thursday follow by 1 lab report,

1 assignment presentation,

1 FYP report including experiment to run,

2 final exams.

Shall I appreciate my days left at uni??

or shall I look forward a fresh beginning after uni?

I should put it this way

Since it is just 55days left, why not live each day at Melaka happily?

Savor everyday left

A happy happy days

So that I will at least have good memories

A party at the start of uni life,

Ends with a party at the end of of uni life.

Yes, I will organise a party.

Invite all my uni friends,

and gather with fried chicken,

Siberian Dream

2010-02-09T08:16:00.001-08:00

This is the book I am currently reading. The writer starts the story with her 3 years old at age, start schooling at a kindergarten.

TanSuAnn

2010-02-09T07:48:00.000-08:00

I have a very annoying sister.

She is fat, nonono she is just plum.

That is her proclamation. Her mood has been bad lately due to girl's monthly thing. She is slacking down the hill, every day with her laptop and lock herself in the room. It is after series of begging for use of laptop that I get a chance to blog now.

Sometimes, I just don't quite understand the inner voices inside of me. What does it means and all, and why do I think such a way at an angle that is hard to interpret. Day after day, I keep believing something extraordinary that is meant for me is coming towards. I still keep searching for the answer to the mysterious voice, the thoughts that is so different from others. What does it means?

Anybody Successful?

2010-01-25T23:09:00.000-08:00

Look around me, so far I only know two people in my life that is successful in making a living.

People I consider successful in getting what they want:

Joann, my CBW senior. My third uncle from mother side, my eldest cousin brother from mother side, and then who else?? I keep looking alertly for people who can change their life the way they want, and I am keeping an eye on it.

Being Moody

2010-01-25T08:12:00.000-08:00

Perhaps it is my hunger in the stomach that is affecting my mood. Messaged Chea Wen and went out eat with him. Grateful to have him to go supper.

How I wish I have a laptop, that I can bring everything out of here to do. There are NO big and strong table for me to laid open all the materials I need to do report. Tables in my room is so small. I have no idea how to make full use of the tables I have here.

So, I thought of getting a Japanese table so that I can move my monitor down and keyboard to do my report where I can spread wide all the materials I need on the floor. Sigh. Sometimes when I think about life at Melaka, I start to feel depressed.

I think about the things I frustratingly need and just couldn't do anything to get them. Money limits my life, Melaka limits my life. This two is enough to make my life small.

Everywhere I go in Melaka, I feel unhappy. The people here are so boring, their clothing is lame, not to compare with the tourist here. I mean the local people here. The food here is average. But it is hard to get great appetite for food here. Everything I eat here is the same over and over again.

People said, it is good to be student. Yes it is, but not student in Melaka.

Friday of First Week

2010-01-22T05:09:00.000-08:00

Time flies so fast, because I had been mentally not attached with the time. Yesterday was equally good and bad. So it neutralized.

Today I watched London Dreams and continue reading The Monk who Sold His Ferrari. Both are very inspiring and I learn a pool of lessons. The Monk who Sold his Ferrari is a damn fantastic book that it touches my heart so deep inside and made me feel as if the spirit of the book enters my soul and dance inside me.

Didn't sleep at all last night, so I try hard to sleep since 7 in the morning buy failed to sleep until 4pm and accidentally missed my class at 5.30pm because I was so tired the time I woke up and worried I will fall sick if I wake up. An hour with Alan Tan is missed.

Days Left

2010-01-19T20:32:00.000-08:00

Days left in MMU is getting lesser and lesser day by day. I'm going to blog about my daily life in my final trimester in the final year.

Being an Epsilon year student absolutely is better than being a Beta year student.

I slept early last night, around 10pm, and to my amusement, I woke up early at 5.30am. Wasting my time clicking here and there on FB for about an hour, I start studying energy system for my FYP. After an hour, I fill my stomach with oat bun filled with pork floss.

Sitting down in front of PC, I thought about life at smaller scale. I thought about happy relationship, the kind of relationship u attached to that will make u feel good each time thinking about the person. It is hard to achieve. And besides, I thought about building a company based on solar system. In my dreams, I vividly feel TNB loses its average profit in the history of electricity business within Malaysia, and that makes me the richest woman in the history.

Fact is, human has better inspiration and dreaming capability in the early morning. Or late at night, when the air is calm and the mind can imagine at greater degree.

Went to class at 10am, Sim came to fetch me to class. I loves to have someone to pick me up for class, and I have it now. Grateful for it. Mr. Pau Kiu Nai was the lecturer of the class. He asked us question which I already know what his answer would be, because I had a short conversation with him during the FYP presentations.

He is telling that, engineer maximum salary wont be as high as businessman, or those in management line. Since all of u are an engineering student, it is better to venture into some kind of management industry so that with both skills on hand you can become engineer's manager and your income comes in different scale compare to that of normal engineer. Engineer forever wont be able to get into manager post.

And he asked our view, on what brings u into engineering course. A student bravely answer his question in clear and loud voice. He said thermodynamics turns him down because fact is this subject is extremely difficult from what I heard from many mechanical students.

Yah and Sim told me he has a religion. He pray upon Steve Jobs. And those who don't is a total failure to him. Guess his believe is too strong. He said that iPhone is the temple, it is within reach in the pocket of his pants. Godly Steve Jobs is always with him. The way he pray to his God is by rubbing the iPhone with his hands 10 times daily. The assembly of God is through iPhone. Sounds like Steve Jobs is the next religion in the information technology era.

We headed to PS for our lunch, had a bad "Nasi Lemak" that caused me damn RM2 where the stall next to it selling at RM1.50. Bought a cup of NesLo, a combination of Nescafe and Milo.

Then Sim drop me back at home and I am here writing this post. Hope you enjoyed my words from my mind.

New Year Resolution 2010

2010-01-09T06:13:00.000-08:00

As age increased, in no time I realise my skin is showing my age. No longer has the young look like how I used to have. And so, I got to start using toner and moisturiser strictly twice a day!! There goes the first resolution.

Secondly, to keep my scalp free from dandruff and hair fall. Can't afford to see my hair getting lesser due to hair fall.

Brush my teeth 3 times a day! Wake up, after lunch and before bed time. I had been neglecting this too much!!!!

52kg before 2010 ends!

No buffet on my own.

Stay healthy, no iced water and as little ice cream as possible, to avoid phlegm that makes me feel difficult to breathe.

Jogging once every two days, to prepare fitness for Melbourne trip. And continues to evening walk or evening cycling after graduate.

Improve my cooking skill to grade 2....

No fighting with anyone.... I want to enjoy a peaceful year.....

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

2009-12-25T06:03:00.000-08:00

Glad that 2009 is ending soon. HOORay!! Know why I am feeling all excited of 2010? Because I can leave MMU very soon and 2010 marks the end of my university life. Can't wait for working life, it's gonna be fun and excited!!!!

Yesterday talked with Chor Win, my soon brother in law. And he told my sister that in order for someone to excel, he needs to enter the right field and be leader of that field. Gosh..... He is so right. I need to be leader of some field I am good at. hmmm

Each New Day Brings Fresh Hope

2009-11-28T20:22:00.000-08:00

This is the quote painted on the wall of my class room in Form 5. When I go to class with the blur and sleepy face, I look up at the wall and it's true that Each New Day Brings Fresh Hope. It feels like it's a brand new day, yesterday or what ever in the past doesn't matter, because today is a new day and fresh hope can be instilled.

I wake up each day feeling depressed, addicted to the game of my life Rangnarok Online game. Or I get addicted to MSN chatting or hours and hours of phone call in the wee hour with guy.

That's Form 5 life and it really shocks me that my life could get out of range. I remember those time where my breathing was hard, I sleep more than usual. Almost everyday I took afternoon nap, with my school uniform on, under running fan.

There's this SPM exam coming, and I am not preparing much, I was lazying and too afraid to face it. Was playing game whenever chance hits, because gaming brings all the trouble away. When I was gaming, I can't think of anything in life but only keep concentrating on my character inside there. I made lots of friends inside, I still remember a girl by the name ~Kui~ who is a priest, will always get me into her party. She was two years older than me, and lived in KL. Now we had lost contact and I wonder where is she now. I would ask her to join my new private RO server.

The feelings of finishing Biology paper was great. Right after the paper, I walk out to the corridor, look up into the sky and whisper to myself that I would never ever have to study Biology ever again in my entire life. Fact is, I never really finish studying the whole syllabus of this subject. I only did my revision for Form 4, and only few chapters for Form 5. My ambition was to become engineer that time, and so Biology has got nothing to do with it.

The feeling of getting SPM over was great. I would never want to go back to that again.

Because of what I had go through, I never ever again can strive in my exams any more. The feelings of expectation in result will make my breathing difficult, and my body numb. I don't want that.

There's a test tonight

2009-11-25T00:15:00.001-08:00

No matter how hard I study, I still think that I don't belong to those who will want to score in exam. Been thinking much today. About my life, my future, my emotion, my thinking, my character, my personality, and my behaviour.

I always believed I am more than who I am today. Had been screwing up a lot because I could not seem to find myself in a place where I truly want to strive, as in found something at somewhere where my dream lies within. Got what I mean here? Confusing.

I take a moment to look into myself. I know who I am, I know what I want. The confusion is, getting what I want might destroy some other things I had. And is it worth sacrificing them? After getting through all the kinks, and stitching them back, I wonder if I will ever had the energy to destroy the fear and the limitation I had drawn in me. Can I lead a life without fear? Can I find back the jolly me, carefree me, brave me, cheerful me, confident me, faithful me ever again?

Yeah, I had grow up and become much more matured than before. People around had been given me too many limitation in life that I had to keep up with. I cannot this, I cannot that, if I do this, will cause this and that to become like that.

Am I a control-freak? hmmmmm

My KL life

2009-10-24T20:48:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for part time job at PC Fair, earning about RM100 per day.

This is my pay cheque for ITP, RM600 is consider satisfying for a student, where there's no task no responsibility, played Restaurant City almost every hour. Sound sad, torturous mentally, but still have to go through it with positive attitude. It is a do nothing job.

Found this part time job online, one day RM80 work for 8hours, one hour is RM10. Good pay, but the place is quite far away from my house, but again there is no much customer here and I just have to stand there and dreaming away. Another "do nothing" job.

Can will changes destiny?

2009-10-15T21:24:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wonder, how much a person's life can change with will, enthusiasm, and very strong determination. How far can a person bring his life to change with such high devotion for what he wants in life when money, family background don't allow so?

If what he wants in life is too far away from what he have, what he is capable, then can he still achieve what he wanted so much in life??

Or should we hold back to reality, limiting our dreams, limiting our imagination, limiting our ambition in life by weighing realistically of what we are capable in the most factual way?

How could we change our life, change our destiny, and change our attitude that has been inside us for 2decades?

Even if I realised all this, what can I do to save myself from the fact of how the flow of society is forcing me hard from my back?

How can I change my destiny? This is the largest fear in my life that I had stop thinking about it for quite sometime.

I know I want this dream very badly, that I will do whatever it takes to achieve it. And then I think about the fact of settling down and building my own family. And then I think about the fact of leaving everything I'm comfortable with for something I want. And then I think about how much money I need to give a kick to that dream.

It is all only dream, no?

Fate or will

2009-10-09T09:14:00.000-07:00

Can my will change my fate? I am still sticking to my decision. I don't see any value that could make me feel "I want this forever"

First blog with my new hp

2009-10-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

Bought myself a smartphone. It has been a month long, but i only start using it now.

September was a fine and sweet month, besides all the drama i had set up.

Today, was his birthday. I had made plan that we both have a fine dining on my lifetime favourite at Victoria Station. This plans nearly fails with too much of critics from my sisters.

We went to watch "Where got ghost" at student price and pick my sister from library after that.

Went straight to my lifetime 4avourite Penang rojak which
djime
ddiWWS

2 more days to Home

2009-09-16T20:19:00.000-07:00

I want to leave this office as soon as I can. Tonight I must be clearing all my things, because tomorrow I'm leaving. Not so sure if I will come back here any sooner.

Okei, I will go to my old house to move some of my things over. At my current place, I will have to pack everything neatly so that I can be away peacefully for 4weeks, that's a month long.

1st October is so near. And I haven't get my things sorted out. As in my title of my FYP. I'm not so sure of what I want to build. I just know I want to do something with PLC. Can I do even more than that??? I doubt my ability you see. But I'm sure that I can write good programme using ladder diagram.

Seriously need to get my researh done today. So it is 12pm now. Going to keep looking at it until 5pm. 5hours of research, hope something can be done though.

Empty and lazy weekend

2009-09-05T00:25:00.000-07:00

Guess what?!

It's 3.30pm and I still haven't bath. I'm so so lazy. The training at office sucks, not assigned anything to do and I'm rotting each passing day.

I will go bath in awhile and then read books and sleep? Maybe.

My face's skin is very very terrible now. Don't know what I can do more to improve my skin. Did mask for my face d.

my plan is, next week onwards i will start doing my industrial training report. and by the time i finish my training, my report is done and i can goyang kaki for 1 fucking month.

Emailed to Dr. Sim about my thought of using PLC for my final year project, but still haven't receive reply from him. Sigh........ I know he damn looks down lazy people like me. Wonder if he will ever reply me.

My boss don't care about me at all. The Automgen he had taught me seems like not applicable anywhere. I still prefer ladder diagram. Because I'm good at it.

Blank

2009-08-26T23:56:00.000-07:00

I hate sitting at office with nothing to do. At least give me some real task to busy with. At least give me some kind of duty so that I can feel myself useful.

Supposed at 3pm, boss would brief me on the new self-learning kit, called Automgen. It's 3pm now and seems like nothing is happening.

I feel I can't breathe a second thinking how empty my job and life is. I'm worried, feeling insecure of many things. Even so, I got to move on. Those days I can get intimate with my pillows and comforter is the best days of all. No worries, just lay there and rest like a useless woman and wait patiently for something good for me.

I wonder in this world, where do I belong. Always feeling unwanted to everywhere I was standing. :( emo and emo

Days off

2009-08-25T20:02:00.000-07:00

Been sick for 14days. No h1n1, but it's the throat getting infected. I saw many reddish kind of 'pimples' everywhere in my throat.

Been going to work less than ever. Rest at home cause I'm sick. What a great excuse. Boss wife messaged me today asking me how I am doing since I didn't message them yesterday and today.

Went to see doctor just now, get antibiotics for my sore throat and it only cost me RM28. This time round is Chinese doctor. Unlike the Indian doctor, I was charged God damn RM50.

Been sleeping for hours and hours during my sick days. Going to work tomorrow, which is Thursday and Friday after work, I will be heading to LCCT for my Singapore flight. Gonna be very excited about it. Traveling all alone to Singapore with flight! keke

Nothing much to worry or think about my current life, except for thinking what are the qualities I need from a man in my life. And I'm pretty sure I need the following as basic:

Stronger than me inside out.
Taller than me.
Stable and matured.
Loves badminton and swimming.
A car to fetch me around.
Gentleman, like never allow the girl to suffer for him!!
Good family background, friendly warm and nice.
Gives me surprise from time to time.
Gives each other the freedom and space needed, not controlling and not jealous type.
Financially capable to provide house and kids.

For now, I am single and available. I would only like to take Sim as my best friend for now until further development.

My work in Juravic is boring. Seriously boring to death. No task, no objective and just lead each day aimlessly.

For now, my hope and dream would to meet someone I can confidently assure I want him for the rest of my life, and also finish up my degree and enjoy my after uni's trip smoothly.

At Internet Cafe

2009-08-16T08:51:00.000-07:00

47 minutes left
RM5 for 3hours.
Damnd good HP 21inch flat screen, hp keyboard or maybe hp pc.

Computer good quality.
screen good
can play game comfortably, and what more, can also watch movie, play mini games, listen to music, watch anime, what ever it is, they provide very good database for the user to enjoy.

Everything is smooth today

2009-08-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

God, I want to express my gratitude for your love for me.

Today many pleasant event happen.

Wake up late to work, damn tired cause I sleep at 2am the night before. Reach office about 9.30am, and damn stupid W1max is doing maintenance due to thunderstorm and rainfall yesterday.

Went out early lunch at 11am and end up at Starbucks for breakfast set, RM6.85. Drank half of the coffee and cause me not to sleep even until now at this wee hour. Oh my, my brain is so active.

Was so disappointing and went out to buy magazine and cost me RM8. Sad. Should have buy cheap magazine like CLEO. The magazine don't have content one. Just that the fashion and make up style very high class I find.

Then at 1pm, I go check the internet and it's working. I was so happy and quickly get my ass off to search for flight for my after uni life trip. Keep looking, keep asking, keep reading for hours.

Until finally at 5.30pm I have to book my flight, boss going home at 6pm. Messaged my friend she said I can stay at her place. Calculated everything and think that it is within our budget. So my flight is booked!!!! Hooray.

While booking my flight, a get a phone call. A guy want to view my room. And he came after 6pm and had a good instinct he wants the room. Yah, he did. He called me an hour later to confirm taking my room and he is paying me RM50 tomorrow as booking the room.

Pray hard everything goes smoothly. Pray hard he will move in to my room as decided, pray hard he will returns me all my deposit. Pray hard.

And I damn enjoy my 7pm drama. Really love the drama so so much. After the drama end, I quickly change and went down to meet my very good friend and we played badminton. It was fun. Really glad to have a friend like her.

We chi chatted and went ta pao food and went back home.

Worst thing of all is the toilet light is not working. Damn it. After I bathed in the dark, the toilet room light back.

Oh yah, when I was in office, I get a phone call asking me to work next weekend also. So extra money opportunity again. Hope there are more and more money coming in.

Morning at office

2009-07-30T18:27:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, was not in the mood to work at all. Feeling pathetic going websites for hours and forcing myself hard to do something right for my report.

This work here don't suit me. If it was given to some other people, they might have benefit from the software given and the non blockage of internet access.

And here I am, early in the morning in the office and the first thing is to come here and blog.

Yesterday was a tired but meaningful day. I went to pasar malam again. This time with my housemates!! They are so warm. I have this housemate whom is lovely and sweet. She's really a good person, and that's why she has got a very lovely bf and a guy who is as rich as datuk will offer her to be her lelaki simpanan. No doubt, she has the quality.

Went to see her new apartment, they are moving out tomorrow. The new apartment is fantastic. With a masterbed room with only RM450, with their own toilet and the house was fully furnished!! It thrilled me a little with the big brand new fridge, new water filter, new cooking stove, new room's ceiling fan, newly painted house and new dining table. The house is so well equiped.

The lovely beautiful house made me want to move there and stay with them after graduate. Sigh... The house is nice, can cook everyday and everything is almost perfect there. Not sure of the housemate's attitude, but having their own toilet is no big issue.

Lately was down with PMS. I can feel my emotions wave is harsh.

Good news is that, I'm getting a part time job at KL PC Fair. The PIC said there will be commision in the printer I sell. So I plan want to fight for my commision, for better trip to Singapore!!!!!

It has been one and a half year since I last visit Singapore. My previous visit to Singapore was my one day trip there.

Bought a red carrot and a white carrot, plan to boil soup with it. The carrots cost me RM2, and bought bawang, RM0.80. Plan to buy some potatoes. Gotta make things right this time. Not keeping my food in the fridge till the whole damn thing rotten.

And I bought a very expensive magazine to cheer myself. But soon I realise that it's not worth the price.

Now, I read magazine more than books. Next month going to stop sharing internet service with them. Means no more online at home. hehe... I hardly use the internet and I'm paying it. If I download it only affects the quality of the line. So, I better safe my money up and spend more time on finishing those books I bought.

Everything is good

2009-07-18T03:46:00.000-07:00

It feels like the cycle of my life is moving up, more and more friends come into my life and I'm trully thankful for it. I hope all this will slolwy lead me to stable life. I don't want any difficult emotions anymore. I just want to be happy, satisfied, open minded, and worry free.

Make new friends, keeping old friends, loving my best friends, good friends and friends around. Learning to forgive and forget. Learning to move on with less egoism, and willing to open up my heart for any friends.

Rainbow and butterflies finally came out after a series of stormy days.

A little PMS

2009-06-29T18:30:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was super bad day for me. Start off with locking my room's door and forgot to bring a pair of socks with me. The jeans I'm wearing is too long and so I need to wear heels or shoe. I don't wear heels to work because the people in the office are short. Even without heels, I'm already taller.

Without much thought, I just slip my leg into my nice pink colour sneaker. It hurt my feet so much that it get 4 blisters.

After Delta Year at MMU

2009-06-20T17:25:00.000-07:00

Picture above is what I caught when I was walking around to look for sign where I will be working. A very tiny company's name stick at the letter box stating JesB. This is the doorway where I will be working 5days a week from 9-5.

My company is a very small company, but profitable one I think. There is only all 3 people working in one small office. My boss, boss' wife and me! Just the three of us. The work I'm assigned to do is ok so far. I get one hour lunch break, where I will go Jusco have my meal mostly and enjoy shopping with the minutes left.

Once I reach office at 9am, I get to take some time to somehow energise myself. Usually will start work at 9.30am or 10am. Then in between my work, I can relax myself anytime I want if I find it too tiring for me. My boss treat me nicely. Yay! I can go facebook play my Farmtown or Restaurant City or chat with my friend, as long as I get my job done. Whenever I'm late, it's okei. So I'm late everyday. About 4.30pm, I stop working and will have some good time with facebook before I go back.

There are lots of stress on the first week, because I am struggling to learn PLC program. On the second week, I was practically doing soldering one whole week. Next week will continue with soldering and then start with pneumatic stuff d.

This is the apartment I am living now. Named Menara Alpha. I rent a super small room, a master bed room, divided into two. Just enough for one, and can never be enough for two. Landlord made partition to it. Everything on the floor, it's an empty room. Housemates are okei. Mind your own business. Dasar tutup pintu! haha. Got Streamyx, just need to plug in your cable to your pc, got fridge but it is always full and hardly find space for me to keep my things, got stove with real gas tank, got auto washing machine, got water heater somemore. What else can I demand more? Just that the toilet is not very clean no matter how hard they had washed it.

This is not a new apartment, a very old one. I made the right choice of staying here because, I can walk to work (my work very near to Jusco), I can walk to LRT station safely, along the road to LRT, there are rows of shops left and right, full of food, full of different types of food, can get almost all the basic needs around here, and easy access to bus also lo. No worries of being stuck at one place like how I felt at Melaka.

This is me! Ta da........
My new hair cut, RM22 for student price for a professional stylist. haha...

At HQ GGA for high tea get together, picture above is with Xien Yee. The food is not as I thought.

With Kah Ling at Taman Tamadun Islam, Terengganu.

In the bus with Kah Ling again, I'm wearing Pink colour baju kurung for dinner with Terengganu's MP.

With Seat Fang and Woey Ching the first night at Terengganu.

My New Life

2009-06-10T04:05:00.000-07:00

Like I said before, I had my own room now. My room is very small but still can stay lah... Will upload picture of my room soon when I am free. Anyhow, I like my room cause I had arrange it properly.

The day I finish my last paper was just one week and 3days ago only. Today I finish my 3rd day of working. My time at work was very contented. Seems like after 3years at Uni, the day I step into this company only I start finding myself being taught and learned in a correct way and environment.

My manager gave me a very brief history of his company's growth. And that makes me trust him, trust his guidance.

Life is good. Really good even though I am all alone. I like it when I can go back home without anybody in my room to make unwanted noise pollution.

My room is very quiet if I didn't play any music. Since I am all alone, I enjoy playing music because I can enjoy my speaker. hehe. No need to wear headphone or what so ever.

Before I come here, I thought I would have so much free time to blog. But now did I realise I barely have enough time to rest.

Going to take my bath, clear my room and start writing diary for my ITP. That's it.

Coming new life

2009-05-23T00:46:00.000-07:00

I've got myself a small room at Menara Alpha, RM250 per month. I didn't see the room but I let my friend to pay the deposit and get the keys for me. He said the room is really small. Can only place one matress and it's already 70% of the room already. Imagine how small it is. Still imagining how my room would be. It seems like ages to me since I last have my own room.

Currenltly staying in shared room. I just can't bear to live with other people in my room anymore. I want my personal space where I can do anything I like without thinking if I had step over the line as a roomate. I still don't like it when anyone play music in my room. Can't help it. And I like to listen to songs using my speaker.

Can't wait to leave Melaka and move to new life temporarily at KL. I was imagining how beautiful life can be having my own world in my room. I don't have to tolerate sleeping with the lights on, tolerate in the room of having to listen to songs I don't want to and most importantly the cleanliness of my room is solely on my hand. I don't have to see dirty floor done by others.

Let me make it clear, that I will not share room with anybody June 2009 onwards. I will make sure I won't let myself suffer anymore tolerating others in my own room.

Kinda happy and excited of how my new life in my own room will be. There will be so much time for me to slowly enjoy a cup of Milo listenning to music, slowly think whatever I want in utmost peace and harmony.

New Hiding Place

2009-04-22T22:35:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I packed all my assignments and decided to get serious with it by getting out of my room to somewhere I can seriously put my mind on.

At first, I plan to go hide at FET 3rd floor, but it is always filled up with class. I need a place with computer and damn fast internet speed. Library's internet is fast, but the monitor and PCs will boil away inspiration to do assignments.

So, I thought give it a try to CiTS lab. Surprisingly, the place was equipped with new PC that come with LCD screen!!! Not only that, the chair is brand new and I'm going to stick my ass there for hours. The internet connection was superb. Easily I can get into any websites and my research for my assignment was so fast and efficient. Not only that, the mouse is ergonomic, the table is wide and I can spread out my notes on the table without having a fuss.

There are so many factors I need to compromise working at my desk back in my room. Though I have wireless keyboard and mouse, the small table wouldn't serve me enough to freely open up my notes. I tried keeping unnecessarily things away, it still didn't work. Small table means small space.

Not only that, my room was right beside big busy road and it's so noisy with ger ger ger ger ger sound.

Lately many issues coming up among everyone in the house. It's annoying to face people like that in the house especially when all my important things are not moving yet.

Neural assignments dateline is so near and I don't know if I can come up with something today or tomorrow. Next week presentation. Finish planning for Embedded assignments, another round of checking and we can start ordering the components. Hope that everything will be fine at the end of the day.

45 minutes more I will be in the Rich Dad Poor Dad board game competition. I am wearing blue now, wonder if I would win. Like Jack Canfield book said, if you believe it you will achieve it. So readers, I believe I will win the game and come home with RM300!!! Yeah~~~

Life Before Me

2009-04-21T18:31:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to Popular and bought this book, Mahathir Mohamad's illustrated biography. It's a comic of his life story and I like it. The story starts with him borned as a small little baby. hehe.... After pages of it, I think he is racist since young. haha..

Lately I've been connected very much to older generation stories, especially the life during war.

I watch this 1.30pm drama, about life at China and all the war and poverty with no rice to eat and no money that forced them to steal. The love of a family that is so fine even when they don't have anything in life, but merely rice for meals. They eat watery porridge everyday. If there is rice for them, it would make them happy. Just the same way when we go buffet.

Then I watch another drama at 11pm, also about war, titled war and destiny. The story of Japanese ruler in China. They suffered very badly during the world war 2. The torturous act did by Japanese in the history is screened in the drama to create awareness for the younger generations of what Japanese had did to the Chinese.

I read this book, Frank McCourt. I'm in love with the book. It makes me feel so fine reading his memoir. I found this book at Jusco Bandar Perda when I'm back at hometown. The love story was sweet! And his life journey was inspiring. Of how from a man of nothing when he is 18 stepping into a land of America with merely enough money for him to survive. From there the story begins. Working as toilet cleaner, in Biltmore Hotel for his first job. I adores his passion of reading. He'll let himself hungry and run out of money but never fail to send the allocated money for his mother.

Then he was picked into the army when war at Korea struck and he did well there. In no time he become Leautinent and then Commander. Lazy to write further, but I highly recommend this book. You can easily find it in library.

I realise how grateful we are and shouldn't complain about life anymore when there are people worst than us right now and can still fill up their life properly.