There's a test tonight

No matter how hard I study, I still think that I don't belong to those who will want to score in exam. Been thinking much today. About my life, my future, my emotion, my thinking, my character, my personality, and my behaviour.

I always believed I am more than who I am today. Had been screwing up a lot because I could not seem to find myself in a place where I truly want to strive, as in found something at somewhere where my dream lies within. Got what I mean here? Confusing.

I take a moment to look into myself. I know who I am, I know what I want. The confusion is, getting what I want might destroy some other things I had. And is it worth sacrificing them? After getting through all the kinks, and stitching them back, I wonder if I will ever had the energy to destroy the fear and the limitation I had drawn in me. Can I lead a life without fear? Can I find back the jolly me, carefree me, brave me, cheerful me, confident me, faithful me ever again?

Yeah, I had grow up and become much more matured than before. People around had been given me too many limitation in life that I had to keep up with. I cannot this, I cannot that, if I do this, will cause this and that to become like that.

Am I a control-freak? hmmmmm

My KL life

Getting ready for part time job at PC Fair, earning about RM100 per day.

This is my pay cheque for ITP, RM600 is consider satisfying for a student, where there's no task no responsibility, played Restaurant City almost every hour. Sound sad, torturous mentally, but still have to go through it with positive attitude. It is a do nothing job.

Found this part time job online, one day RM80 work for 8hours, one hour is RM10. Good pay, but the place is quite far away from my house, but again there is no much customer here and I just have to stand there and dreaming away. Another "do nothing" job.

Can will changes destiny?

Sometimes I wonder, how much a person's life can change with will, enthusiasm, and very strong determination. How far can a person bring his life to change with such high devotion for what he wants in life when money, family background don't allow so?

If what he wants in life is too far away from what he have, what he is capable, then can he still achieve what he wanted so much in life??

Or should we hold back to reality, limiting our dreams, limiting our imagination, limiting our ambition in life by weighing realistically of what we are capable in the most factual way?

How could we change our life, change our destiny, and change our attitude that has been inside us for 2decades?

Even if I realised all this, what can I do to save myself from the fact of how the flow of society is forcing me hard from my back?

How can I change my destiny? This is the largest fear in my life that I had stop thinking about it for quite sometime.

I know I want this dream very badly, that I will do whatever it takes to achieve it. And then I think about the fact of settling down and building my own family. And then I think about the fact of leaving everything I'm comfortable with for something I want. And then I think about how much money I need to give a kick to that dream.

It is all only dream, no?

Fate or will

Can my will change my fate? I am still sticking to my decision. I don't see any value that could make me feel "I want this forever"

First blog with my new hp

Bought myself a smartphone. It has been a month long, but i only start using it now.

September was a fine and sweet month, besides all the drama i had set up.

Today, was his birthday. I had made plan that we both have a fine dining on my lifetime favourite at Victoria Station. This plans nearly fails with too much of critics from my sisters.

We went to watch "Where got ghost" at student price and pick my sister from library after that.

Went straight to my lifetime 4avourite Penang rojak which
djime
ddiWWS

2 more days to Home

I want to leave this office as soon as I can. Tonight I must be clearing all my things, because tomorrow I'm leaving. Not so sure if I will come back here any sooner.

Okei, I will go to my old house to move some of my things over. At my current place, I will have to pack everything neatly so that I can be away peacefully for 4weeks, that's a month long.

1st October is so near. And I haven't get my things sorted out. As in my title of my FYP. I'm not so sure of what I want to build. I just know I want to do something with PLC. Can I do even more than that??? I doubt my ability you see. But I'm sure that I can write good programme using ladder diagram.

Seriously need to get my researh done today. So it is 12pm now. Going to keep looking at it until 5pm. 5hours of research, hope something can be done though.

Empty and lazy weekend

Guess what?!

It's 3.30pm and I still haven't bath. I'm so so lazy. The training at office sucks, not assigned anything to do and I'm rotting each passing day.

I will go bath in awhile and then read books and sleep? Maybe.

My face's skin is very very terrible now. Don't know what I can do more to improve my skin. Did mask for my face d.

my plan is, next week onwards i will start doing my industrial training report. and by the time i finish my training, my report is done and i can goyang kaki for 1 fucking month.

Emailed to Dr. Sim about my thought of using PLC for my final year project, but still haven't receive reply from him. Sigh........ I know he damn looks down lazy people like me. Wonder if he will ever reply me.

My boss don't care about me at all. The Automgen he had taught me seems like not applicable anywhere. I still prefer ladder diagram. Because I'm good at it.