Merry Christmas and Happy New Year

Glad that 2009 is ending soon. HOORay!! Know why I am feeling all excited of 2010? Because I can leave MMU very soon and 2010 marks the end of my university life. Can't wait for working life, it's gonna be fun and excited!!!!

Yesterday talked with Chor Win, my soon brother in law. And he told my sister that in order for someone to excel, he needs to enter the right field and be leader of that field. Gosh..... He is so right. I need to be leader of some field I am good at. hmmm

Each New Day Brings Fresh Hope

This is the quote painted on the wall of my class room in Form 5. When I go to class with the blur and sleepy face, I look up at the wall and it's true that Each New Day Brings Fresh Hope. It feels like it's a brand new day, yesterday or what ever in the past doesn't matter, because today is a new day and fresh hope can be instilled.

I wake up each day feeling depressed, addicted to the game of my life Rangnarok Online game. Or I get addicted to MSN chatting or hours and hours of phone call in the wee hour with guy.

That's Form 5 life and it really shocks me that my life could get out of range. I remember those time where my breathing was hard, I sleep more than usual. Almost everyday I took afternoon nap, with my school uniform on, under running fan.

There's this SPM exam coming, and I am not preparing much, I was lazying and too afraid to face it. Was playing game whenever chance hits, because gaming brings all the trouble away. When I was gaming, I can't think of anything in life but only keep concentrating on my character inside there. I made lots of friends inside, I still remember a girl by the name ~Kui~ who is a priest, will always get me into her party. She was two years older than me, and lived in KL. Now we had lost contact and I wonder where is she now. I would ask her to join my new private RO server.

The feelings of finishing Biology paper was great. Right after the paper, I walk out to the corridor, look up into the sky and whisper to myself that I would never ever have to study Biology ever again in my entire life. Fact is, I never really finish studying the whole syllabus of this subject. I only did my revision for Form 4, and only few chapters for Form 5. My ambition was to become engineer that time, and so Biology has got nothing to do with it.

The feeling of getting SPM over was great. I would never want to go back to that again.

Because of what I had go through, I never ever again can strive in my exams any more. The feelings of expectation in result will make my breathing difficult, and my body numb. I don't want that.

There's a test tonight

No matter how hard I study, I still think that I don't belong to those who will want to score in exam. Been thinking much today. About my life, my future, my emotion, my thinking, my character, my personality, and my behaviour.

I always believed I am more than who I am today. Had been screwing up a lot because I could not seem to find myself in a place where I truly want to strive, as in found something at somewhere where my dream lies within. Got what I mean here? Confusing.

I take a moment to look into myself. I know who I am, I know what I want. The confusion is, getting what I want might destroy some other things I had. And is it worth sacrificing them? After getting through all the kinks, and stitching them back, I wonder if I will ever had the energy to destroy the fear and the limitation I had drawn in me. Can I lead a life without fear? Can I find back the jolly me, carefree me, brave me, cheerful me, confident me, faithful me ever again?

Yeah, I had grow up and become much more matured than before. People around had been given me too many limitation in life that I had to keep up with. I cannot this, I cannot that, if I do this, will cause this and that to become like that.

Am I a control-freak? hmmmmm

My KL life

Getting ready for part time job at PC Fair, earning about RM100 per day.

This is my pay cheque for ITP, RM600 is consider satisfying for a student, where there's no task no responsibility, played Restaurant City almost every hour. Sound sad, torturous mentally, but still have to go through it with positive attitude. It is a do nothing job.

Found this part time job online, one day RM80 work for 8hours, one hour is RM10. Good pay, but the place is quite far away from my house, but again there is no much customer here and I just have to stand there and dreaming away. Another "do nothing" job.

Can will changes destiny?

Sometimes I wonder, how much a person's life can change with will, enthusiasm, and very strong determination. How far can a person bring his life to change with such high devotion for what he wants in life when money, family background don't allow so?

If what he wants in life is too far away from what he have, what he is capable, then can he still achieve what he wanted so much in life??

Or should we hold back to reality, limiting our dreams, limiting our imagination, limiting our ambition in life by weighing realistically of what we are capable in the most factual way?

How could we change our life, change our destiny, and change our attitude that has been inside us for 2decades?

Even if I realised all this, what can I do to save myself from the fact of how the flow of society is forcing me hard from my back?

How can I change my destiny? This is the largest fear in my life that I had stop thinking about it for quite sometime.

I know I want this dream very badly, that I will do whatever it takes to achieve it. And then I think about the fact of settling down and building my own family. And then I think about the fact of leaving everything I'm comfortable with for something I want. And then I think about how much money I need to give a kick to that dream.

It is all only dream, no?

Fate or will

Can my will change my fate? I am still sticking to my decision. I don't see any value that could make me feel "I want this forever"

First blog with my new hp

Bought myself a smartphone. It has been a month long, but i only start using it now.

September was a fine and sweet month, besides all the drama i had set up.

Today, was his birthday. I had made plan that we both have a fine dining on my lifetime favourite at Victoria Station. This plans nearly fails with too much of critics from my sisters.

We went to watch "Where got ghost" at student price and pick my sister from library after that.

Went straight to my lifetime 4avourite Penang rojak which
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