Another Story

Allow me a chance for a good life story write up over here.

Lucky days came by, company send me to a fine with Club Med at Pulau Bintan. Off we go and reach the place in short time. Took a rest at the chalet with my colleague and went down to enjoy myself with the rest.

The BBQ session was well prepared and then there's beach volley ball game. I didn't join the game, and was watching the rest playing. My manager join in the game and he seems be able to play fine at it.

After some nice food, and a glass of cocktail I went to join in the game. The players getting more and more. Some come and some go. So I was waiting anxiously for my turn, the alcohol tolerance kick me hard and I was dancing myself there. My face was a little red, it could be from the Sun or from the running in the volley ball game. Most people can't tell that I am getting this red face from the alcohol drinks.

Game was finished, and I am walking off the place to get ready for the next game. Soccer. Whilst I am turning away, a man came calling me from the back and introduced himself as Mike from Australia showing off the pants that he is wearing having the flag of his own country. That moment he introduced himself, I sensed strongly that he is interested in me.

We play soccer together and we're in the same team. The team with the shirt off. We go running up and down. Awh, I don't really know how to play soccer. I am just trying to believe I can play, so I was running everywhere I can just to get some feel of the ball and immediately pass it to another mate.

I go like well done, good shot, good try. When the opponent was having the ball, I run around him and goes like trying to get the ball to make him panic. Mike saw that move from me and repeatedly say that I'm giving reasonably good pressure to him that leads to a better game for us. Huh, I received a soft feeling that he might be attracted to me as he took notice of the qualities I possessed.

Then the night came by, dinner time. I was dressed up in a long dress. Look attractive but I was not having enough energy to dance the night through and so, I was off to bed early even though the party was warming up right there with inviting activities ahead.

Awh, how I miss all that. Life should always be that fun. We should work hard to earn more and more so that we can spend it all well off on a life WORTH living! I miss having a deserving great fun life. Really wished with all my heart that life can sail me away from this norm boring life.. I miss having something I am really attracted towards. And now, I miss Mike so damn much and yet I can't see him. The only thing I am receiving from him is the whatsapp message. What more can life be better off with text messages?

Jump over my story to the second night. With some plan, I save some energy for the night to dance it all out. Before the dancing party, I was at the spa having massage. Right after the massage, my ankle was feeling a little bit uneasy full length of weight was pressing on it.

Still vividly in my mind, I go running excitedly of the night. Quickly grab myself a Margarita for the tempting salt at the circumference of the glass. Within minutes, I finish the drink and we all go into a dancing room to dance our heart out. At that moment, I saw my true self. The me that's been long missing. I can jump up and down and high up and low down like I was in my 16. Suddenly I am 12 years back in life. My mind keep flashing the image of my young self back in gathering, or campfire where we all dance like that cause we are so young and free from worries.

My ankle develop deep pain after all the dancing was over, I was laying on the couch and I see that Mike keep texting me. He sends me message asking all sorts of question and I have to thump him down with my emotional based answer as I am an emotional type of person.

Then I try to stand and my ankle was giving me a hard pain. At the end, he has to carry me on his back. It was such a sweet soft romance silently with him. I hugged him tight from the back and he cuddle my leg with his finger. I felt an intense feeling of attraction with him.

I just want to say that I miss him so damn much. So damn much. I don't know how life will unfold for both of us. I just know that I miss him near my body and soul like I missed another addiction in my life.

Mike, I wish this life work out for you and me.

2013 Annual Convention

Been so long since I write again in my blog. It was a great fun laughter filled weekend for me. It all started on Thursday night. With drinking at Traffic with Fong Ling and Inn Cheq. Followed by meeting Cynthia. We went to sit at Paragon without paying any amount of money for drinks. We just sit there and chat so much of all our relationship. So fun, so fulling. I'm very blessed and grateful to have had such great friends to accompany me when I was all angered about what happened on Wednesday night in that Karaoke Room.

Reach home late like 3am! And sleep till 11am the next day. It was all de-stress. Wake up to a happy morning. Had some glitch fight again with Kenny on the phone. And it went on and on and on. Oh ya not forgetting eating maggie mee cooked by mom. So blessed! I really appreciate what I have. For all that I had, I had a huge desire in becoming a better person.

The convention started off with dressing up and taking pictures. So there are a few pictures here and there.
My purpose of writing here is to sum up what I had learnt.

On Friday night. He said to me over the phone of that's because how you are that is making him not giving me what I want.....

Last Few Days

Tomorrow will be the last day of my employment with Amada. So looking forward to the new job. I am building back all the emotional support I need. The worthy friendship. The worthy relationship. The worthy conversation. It is not easy to build good friendship. Especially quality and good one. Especially with the one you love. Especially with the one you would always wanting to hug.

A new chapter will unfold soon in my life. I am excited and looking forward to the day I am in this new company. My friends all are supportive on my move.

Relationship wise. Still the same. There's not much of changes and I guess I became tired and bored of the same circle that keeps looping on its own.

The same situation. He claimed that when he loves me I betrayed his love. After so long, he still doesn't. Perhaps I am the one who caused everything to go down the drain. Probably I won't be able to get love from him at all. That's the way that's mean to be I guess? That's the way he and me supposed to be together. Sometimes I don't feel we are truly together. I am more of an extra person in his life where he comes to me according to his need. He did put effort to make us better. Something which I cannot deny. However, I find that whatever he is doing is just equivalent to zero when he didn't love me with his heart. For now, I would prefer to be on my own than to have a man who failed to love me with whole heart.

I used to write a lot back then. I realize I write so little nowadays. Chatting with him has been a winning point when written lesser and lesser. I uses lesser and lesser words to express a certain point. The lesser the better it seems. The lesser communication with him the better? I don't see how we can progress much with the same attitude of him. Probably I will quit very soon. I'm extremely tired and exhausted in this floating relationship with him.................

Better Be Single

Than to have a man who do not have time for me. Didn't you think is better for me to just stay single? What better life is it for me than to be with a man who don't have time for me yeah?

Extremely Tired

Been so long I had been complaining about the horrible complicated relationship I was stuck at. However it is, it seems like a never ending in the process. No matter how much I loved or cared, everything is just the same.

This is life. The same complaints I had been throwing over again and again on my job. When I finally found something better for myself, the feeling is really FANTASTIC.

Probably I will have to hang on first before the awesome feeling can come to me. Just be patience and stay extremely positive. My life may not be the good one like what others could easily be having.

There's a path meant for me to walk on. Just make it better if not the best I can. Stop all the useless drama. Ask what is needed. Cherish what I have.

Don't know how le. Sometimes just feel so tired and really feel like giving up since we had not started. To have someone who don't love me, I rather just love myself and avoid this kind of rubbish.

Hang on lo. What to do. What choices do I have. I can't just run away if he chase me down. There's reasons why I meet people like him. There's reason why this complicated relationship take place in my life. There must be reasons. He might be the one to grow old with.

Ending the Complication

Been so long staying complicated like this. Out of pressure, I complained it to my friends. What can be better.

I didn't build good friendship anymore because I intend to build good relationship. Sometimes I just feel so so sorry to get close with the wrong people.

However it is, I just pray that things are good for the people who loved me who cared me who tried to protect me in every way it is.

I guess I am changing as the time pass. I no longer have the desire like I had before. I no longer build any friendship, mix with anyone, talk with anyone. I became much selective and choosing only the people I think worth my time. I guess this is a sign of improved maturity in me?

I don't want to disappoint my friends and family anymore. I don't want to put down the people I cared about. True love is not hard to find, it is a matter of the right things being done. I had lost myself for a long period of time. Very much needed to be alone. Very much needed to stay away from everything and enjoy a good movie myself. Learn something for good. Stop socializing so much for good.

Just go with whatever life has to come. But keep up the values I would like to get as a result. I can't be keeping the same behavior in order to get some different result.

Things might mess up, but it is best for me to just be strong inside and enjoy whatever life has to come for me. To make this man treat me with respect, I will show him my silence. Silence is power. Silence is when he will do whatever you want of him.

Anyway, the fight is over I am back on my life. I am not much affected. Just that he don't shout at me so much anymore. Don't answer his call can mean better. Next time I will just off my cell phone and disconnect forever with him.

Win the Degree

Isn't that this paper is important?
How many of you would like to have this paper in your life?

Without this paper,wages will be RM800 to RM1000. And limited choice of job.
With this paper your wages range from RM1600 to RM3500. Wider range of job.

This paper is important for one to get a better paid job. And for the society, what do you think? It means Ohhhh you're a degree holder. Hmmm. You've got that paper.... You must be intelligent, smart, clever. You must know a lot of things I don't know. Your future must be bright. You're much respected. They simply look up at you. Funny huh how our society think...

However it is, I am very happy with RM1000 basic salary I get from working as Sales Executive after my STPM.

I like my job, and wanting to build my career from there. I decided to get this paper out from part time undergraduate program, so that I can still keep the job.

I find out all the needed information, and went to my father. Because I need to get his approval of attending college or school around the town. for this paper. I gave him the best proposal. Convinced him all I can.


Oh well, he listened patiently to my exciting powerful proposal and then he said, "You can only go to the university to get your degree and no where else. I do not wish to repeat myself, do you get what I mean?".

How much I disagree with him, and going to university, I still have to go. Reality takes place that every father has the right to be autocratic on their daughter's life if it means good to them.

Tonight, I am going to share with you, ladies and gentleman, how I play around to get the paper the society think is important. WIN THE DEGREE.

I am not very intelligent compared to others. However, I believe there's a genius in everyone of us to get what they want.

I suffered exam anxiety since STPM. Whenever exam is around the corner, I get migraine, I cannot sleep, I had bad dreams, I become nervous, change of appetite, I get hungry easily.  I can't catch my breath.

Conclusion:
I'm not saying this paper is useless, or this whole education system is wrongly designed. But pick yourself what you want out of life. What I want has nothing to do with getting all the engineering knowledge into my head. But this paper is able to open many doors. Some said this paper act like a passport, with passport you can enter many countries. With this paper you can enter many giant company. I am skillful at certain things in life which paper recognition is unable to label it. To others, this paper means a lot to them, and from this paper they get to where they want. At the end of the day it is all about what you want.

I go around earning a degree of not what I really want. I wasn't all sour about it because at the same time I look at the opportunity to grow myself to I learn how to get to what I need by figuring out the easiest way to reach the goal. In short, it is how you play with the game. I learn to work smart instead of work hard. I learn that there are many alternative routes to get things done or to survive as undergraduate, at the end is about meeting the objective set, win the degree.