I just feel so low. So low. All I can do is to wait for the Japan trip and come back recharged and have a new outlook of life. I hope so.
I was like waiting for condition around me to change the inside of me. Which is wrong wrong wrong. I still can sense my own emotional imbalance. Hate it hate it hate it. What can I do to make myself feeling better straight right from inside of me?
I feel so demotivated. Each passing day, gone sober and sober. I don't feel like talking to my dad, to my mom. I really am not happy inside. I am so not used to living this kind of life for such a long period of time. Sigh. To be highly emotional intelligent, adaptation is one of the important skill to pick up. You got to keep improving yourself Tan Su Ding!!! Things around you change, you got to change as well to adapt.
Sigh. I do like this guy. But I'm just feeling hopeless. Basically I felt hopeless of everything. I am not taking any giant step to change my life. I kept on waiting and waiting for condition to change me. Wrong wrong wrong...Sigh.. I can only keep on complaining how ugly my life unfold. I ain't doing anything to change the current situation.. All I want is someone. I cannot get it right now. I don't have one right now. What can I do. All I can do is to patiently wait. Feels so alone but nothing I can do about it.
I can only enjoy the time when people invites me out. I can only get all the happiness when I am outside.
This Saturday going to UPR. Hope this will be a great chance for me to release myself. Drink, shout, sing, dance, shake all the night long. I cannot get what I truly desire yet. I desire a true love. I desire a man who like me. I desire a man who adores me. I desire a man who loves me passionately just the way I am. I desire sensational touch. I desire a beautiful glare from a man. I desire infatuation. I want to be given a chance to feel flattered.
I am certain of my desire, need and want. But all I can do is just to be patient. Nothing else I can do. This moment, I can only see myself imagining and dreaming away from my reality.
This morning, I can feel a heavy reluctance to wake up from my bed. Because I don't want to face the day feeling so hopeless of my life. I want to get what I desire. I don't want to have any limitation in my imagination.
