Christmas Eve

It is Christmas and I feel like going to beach. Spend some sweet time there. It's beautiful in my imagination, but I just wonder if it would be beautiful in reality.

With beer, mat, snacks, ice cream, cake, just sitting or laying under the sky with shining stars on the eve of Christmas, would it be significant allowing dense and lively emotions. With some space for romance. Oh my, feels like escaping to somewhere and enjoy sunset right away. Oh my, life is about making money and enjoy all these feelings!!

Sigh. Sometimes things happen again. I guess I had not guard thing from happening. Carelessly let it flow again. Sometimes, being silent and quiet is just perfect. After many years of being noisy, isn't it time for me to be quiet?? Okei. 2011 is coming real soon. So I gotta review my 2010 resolution and see from there if I had achieve them all.

Every passing day, I feel different about myself. Feels like I am growing older and not wiser at the moment. I gotta start preparing my room into a proper piece of heaven, and start laying out what are the things I would definitely need to do. I am not strong in my direction yet. This is not going to stay on forever.

I have to start something seriously. These are the things I always had on my mind when I was in uni. These are the things I told myself many times that I would start building. And I need to before I lost too much of time!!!!!!

crazy working day

It's crazy because I sleep at 2.30am, after long hours of gaming!!! I love the game so much, because it makes my mind to think nothing but only the game. Loving it to maximum.

I was almost winning. Getting tired. Defeat the blue team, and then yellow team was rather weak as well. So I just simply arrange my team without reassurance with the thought I would definitely win with my stronger units all over. But I was wrong. Without proper strategy, I am losing my rockets and battleship one by one. Slowly my team become weaker.

Almost certain, that things you appreciate most can be lost easily. Instead, things you least appreciate will more likely stay with you. I had experience this many times.

Friends BBQ birthday party

Laughed much. The BBQ was simply good. Was mixing with this group of born rich guy. Family business has made them enjoying life with loads of money. Too pampered, too secured with money.

Know what, this group of people smoke heavily, drink heavily, and will get gf to have fun with or to cure their loneliness. I felt I am way way different from them. But it was fun to mix with, especially their words can be powerful that you will laughed so happily! Or maybe it's from the liquor?!

I am now, one phone call and will make it to meet you. So flexible. It was nice, nobody to stop me from going out as much as I want. Even if Sim is around, he wouldn't stop me as well. I don't know if we will slowly grow apart, or the distance gonna make our love fonder. I don't know. We don't hang hours on the phone, I sometimes don't know what we are. Sounds complicated right. I really don't know. Life is like a maze. Every steps will lead to somewhere. In the end, you gotta know your goal, want, and need right.

First Day

What I am going to face in this career path is still uncertain and all. But I get a few things from here, which sound promising. Salary wise, satisfied. Job scope wise, satisfied. Environment wise, acceptable.

Thinking back, if I should scold myself stupid or what. The offer I had got from Rotina group is actually much appealing than what I am having here right now. The one the old man offered me pays better than here in the long run. One main point I didn't accept it because of its based at KL. Or I would be so excited on preparing myself to Canada for 3weeks. Ou. How could I miss out on that. Sigh. It sounded like he would offer me a manager position if I do it nicely for him. A very profitable company with a handful of opportunities to rise. I rejected it, cause it was at KL. Simple and simple. I just want Penang or Singapore. Sigh...... If only I would be able to learn to accept KL life, I would be able to travel few times per month to Indonesia, Singapore, Korea and many more because he wants to travel less and let us younger generation to take care of his business with his supervision.

There's no use regretting, but still I want to feel it. This make me humour. Wished I would be send somewhere out of SEA for training. How wonderful could this be... The exotic feeling I can imagine.

Dooosh

When I see my phone ring, I was thinking yah good you called to update me. Then she told me there are two important news to break to you. Both of them are not really a good news after all. Trip down south deferred. Double sob. Just look at the bright side would make things easier.

Ting coming to Penang this weekend. So going to ready some energy to have really lots of fun with her. Not meeting her for quite some time already, about one month? Is that long? Normal.

Went out with Lin today. Just somehow wish her to be staying at Chai Leng Park whenever I stay at Inderawasih. Somebody really nice to hang out with. Easy going, and yah some kind of chemistry, having some same level of frequency. Hard to find a friend so warm to be with. She's leaving soon. huhu

Frank Mc Court

Oh oh... "McCourt died at a Manhattan hospice after a short battle with skin cancer. The author announced in May that he was undergoing chemotherapy for melanoma."

He was a talented writer, I love his writing to max!! He share with us, bringing back what was there in the early 18th century. How things was in details manner. His essays sound slow and smooth. And I wonder how he would remember all the things when he was just only 4 years old. Perhaps his childhood had give him too much significant suffering that the memory sticks on his mind.

Drowned into the past at America, his father was a horrible drinker and smoker. I wonder how could a man can be so stupid, so ignorance of his own family hunger for his own addiction towards smoke and alcohol. People who failed to move out of their addiction are weak and losers. Double salute and appreciate how my father would remove cigarettes smoke from his lung for his beloved family.

Fedex or Amada

I am being invited for interview from Fedex, I am still in the midst of dense thinking should I grab this or not......... I already had an offer at Japanese company.

I definitely love US company very much more than Japanese company. I would definitely be extremely excited like how I did at Singapore.

But, my excitement at working as a business development executive had got me with a great disappointment. My highest energy to work out the best ends up a disaster. For now, my energy to work in sales/business development hardly grows.

Would my mental power be strong enough to grab the job? I am still trying hard to gather all my internal energy if I would be able to bring out the best in me. I am still thinking if Fedex is all that I want.

Would I be able to have this strong believe on Fedex like how I did for Girl Guide Association?

arghhh what to decide??? consulting engineer versus sales executive at Fedex?!

Any cravings?

Painted the wardrobe.

Waiting for it to dry.

Been relaxing and endless facebook, endless pillow talk with my little sister.

I wanted to do more things during this time when I am having all the time I want.

But the thing is, I'm always feeling tired and tired and tired!!! Everyday always feels like don't have enough energy to move around.

Now, hopefully can get some people to come over to see if can install the ceiling light at my room. Need 4 of it.

After that, will be the painting session. Was thinking pink.

I am gonna stay here for at least 2-3 years long!!! So I need a good living space.

Then that's it. Almost done.

There are many things I had in mind, things I would buy and do to make my parents happy living. The whole thing is only about money.

New job starting on December 16th. Training at KL first.

I unconsciously will like to compare with others. But to think about, how can u actually measure the accurate comparison with others? Some people enjoy having lots of time and don't chase much for money. To some other people, their life lived to get the best partner, then doing whatever it takes to make that somebody happy is what satisfy. In the end, satisfaction matters most. Satisfaction is a very personalised aspect.

When you think that you are way successful than others in what you are having, doesn't mean that some other people will think that you are successful. Each and every one has their very own definition of success. One's success does not necessarily a success in the eye of another.

My aim now is to transform my room into something that will makes me feel elegant!

Yes, my satisfaction in life comes when I feel a strong aura of elegance in me.

On the other note, I was thinking to bring my family to have a very nice night at Cherating beach. BBQ by the beach, listening to strong wave melody from ocean. To stay a night at the resort I had been to. To enjoy the slow moving time.

All I am doing and thinking is to see an extreme happiness in the face of my old man. That's what matters now.

A little

A little worried of the job offer that will come to me, because I will wonder if I will ever do it right.

A little worried of what life may become.

A little worried if I would be able to survive long in the job.

Tired of Interview

Argh so tiring tiring tiring to keep going for interview, I want a real job offer. Something I will definitely want it when I see it.

What's the use being invited to lots of interview when there's no one good job offer? Good one, come one, swim to me one good definite job offer. Something that will give me a little pride, a little future, and tonnes of inspiration!

Thank you.

Neighbourhood

What is wrong with Feng Shui, or Luck thingy going on around my neighbourhood ha?!!

Two neighbours, two fathers past away due to lung cancer! It's so horrific! I feel so sorry for them, it makes me really shiver. They both have a kid of my age, born in the year of Tiger.

I nearly lost mine and I would gather whatever internal power I had inside to want him to stay with us in this world.

There's so many shocking news this year. Many scary things happen. Quickly enter year of rabbit and let the world feng shui change.

Please, When.....

Sigh

A bad word to start with on my blog.

Jobless.

Money getting lesser.

Wasting time endlessly.

Full of worries.

Down with flu, little cough, sniff sniff and phlegm.

Receive many phone calls.

Receive few interview invitations.

There's one phone call.

Full of beautiful description.

But then, there's no interview invitation.

Pleasant at the start, but irritating at the end.

What life is, if it is not complicated this way.

Unstable.

Unpredictable.

Changeable.

Insecurity.

On top of all that.

I learnt to be grateful better than ever.

For all this.

I am grateful for,

I had not once incapable to fill hunger

I had not once incapable to provide shelter

I had not once incapable to be healthy-movement freedom

I had not once incapable to love people around

I had not once incapable to receive love from my dear parents and sisters

and for someone to want me to be part of his life for as long as God allows.

Thankful than ever.

Miserable days at Malacca had ended.

Thinking back of my life then.

I would want to live this present life.

Forget the past.

Building solid foundation to future.

I care least what was behind.

For I care most what's today and tomorrow can become on me.

This picture below.

A happy tea time with sister and him.

What else could I ask for.

God had treated me fair.

Gave me something REALLY precious.

And gave me something REALLY hidden inside me.

It's an adventure for me.

To look for what I desired.

Once again.

I am thankful to maximum.

For I still had a complete happy family.

I would do whatever I can.

To keep this happy family for as long as God allows.

Received SGD pay check

Been waiting for this for so long. Finally, received my pay check in SGD. Really excited when receive it. This is my first ever pay check in SGD!! A lot more compare to RM right?

Singapore life is awesome I would say. Life with my old best friend. I usually won't put her as best friend, but more of a true friend. She draws the beautiful life of mine during my high school time. And I'm glad she is part of my life again when I started my new life in Singapore.

You need a bf, you need your family, and you need a bff too in making life more solid inside out!

This is all need, not what you want! You sometimes just don't want them, but in the end finding yourself needing them! Life is funny sometimes.

Life is great in Singapore, the only missing thing is a great manager in the office. I won't know when the new manager is coming in, but I hope as soon as possible. I would really like it if someone can guide me through in my work. For now, I have to do everything on my own, it looks like pretty tough and yes it is.

I'm grateful, dad survives heart attacks and rest nicely at home. He is the best daddy in my life, giving me the freedom to have fun with my friends without limiting because he knows I am having good time with them, giving me the transportation needs when I still couldn't drive fetching me everywhere I need to and I was very demanding needing to go to many places still he fetches me with love, I would never forget what he had given me and will do my very best to give him what he needs.

The Way We're Working Isn't Working

Yeah, this is the book I get for myself when I made my one day trip with Sim to KL.

I don't know why, when I see this book I just want to buy it because I want to read it.

I was so lost in the working world, I hope I can find some answer through this book.

It cost me RM58.

I bought another two books. Total 3 books for RM114. It's gonna worth every Ringgit of my money.

Another two book is from Frank Mc. Court. I had talk about his book on my very first blog post in this blog. I realise the book I read is the second book. I bought his first and third memoir book.

I always think it's worth buying a book. I must pay the author, for bringing beautiful lessons and stories to entertain my life. Not many author are able to write really good book that will dance with my heart and brain.

But I won't watch original, because I think there are still millions of people out there who will watch original. So it kinda makes me think that my contribution is insignificant while the portion of money I have to pay is large.

I still have many books not finish reading yet. There's still many more books I want to read but not able to find time for it. I hope my coming holidays would be able to give me more time to do what I desire to do for long time. Magazines to read, weekly and monthly. I was now so back behind. Need to catch up, or else I would keep reading last month magazines to catch up with the latest copy of magazine.

Back to my main objective of switching on my laptop just to share this important conclusion from the the first chapter of the book.

"It is also true that if you're not actively working to get better at what you do, there's a good chance you're getting worse, no matter what's the quality of your initial training may have been"

Life sometimes is a joke. It's funny how I get a bf like him (someone perfectly opposite) that'll encourage me to read and and finally influence me to love to read.

Life is a sour for now, I hope things will change or improve eventually. Let's pray sincerely - I deemed this as something hard to achieve. I found myself often fail to be truly sincere in my prayers. I wonder how it can become.

It Has Been A Long Long Time

Omg, I just can't find time to come here to blog. Time passes too fast, tied down with unhappy environment. Argh I feel so suffocated there...............

Hardly can find time to go facebook. In the office, have to curi curi go facebook. Sien!!!

I dislike my job, what the fuck right???

Oh my, I just don't know how. I just feel so strong that I should leave. I just can't can't can't bear to sit at office and sell spare parts. It's so borring, unchallenging, unmotivated, uninspiring. Maybe mostly because I didn't want to be here.

Last Singapore trip was nice and LOVELY. Meet up with all my sweet friends. And had some slow and sweet moment together.

Aha, what life is about. I start questioning the meaning of life, the meaning of working for someone, the meaning of making someone rich and richer.

I do hope Sim do not get stuck in a working world like me, I always support what he was doing because fact is working world is not just right for anybody.

I was so lost, LOST and LOST.

I want something just to have a little direction in my life though. I got quite upset when I screwed up last 2 days. What to do, this is life. Uncertainties, unpredictable, unstable.. argh it's just all inside me.

I got to promote good energy around me. I got to change gear, always change gear, the gear box also rosak liao. =_=

Confident issue, that's what Sim always said to me. He is so right. He understands me.

Working Adult

Hoo haaa.... In a glimpse of time, I am not a working adult. No more crying for candies. I have to admit that it has been a long time ago since I last blog.

Since I'm done with MMU, I was so busy everywhere.

Let me update you on what has been going on since I reach Penang.

After one day resting at home, I must organize my my clothes in a proper wardrobe. Was searching high and low to find a good place for my clothes. It wasn't easy to find a place. Every sisters was occupying places. Even those who are not staying at home anymore has a bundle of clothes here. It took me almost 2-3days to finally finish placing all my clothes neatly and properly into wardrobe.

After one month, my clothes are all over inside the wardrobe. No longer properly organized.

My sister was having exam soon when I am home. She asked me to teach her add maths. So I guided her through for few days before I set off to Melbourne. I have to admit that I still have interest in add maths. It was always fun solving add maths problem. Perhaps, form four add maths was way simple and EASY. Haha~~

And yeah 11days at Melbourne was a like a dream come true. Extremely happy just pondering around the city. There are so many things to watch, so many things to observe. The feeling walking down the street was just simply great. A simple and yet contented trip I had. I had it on my way.

We didn't go to many places. But just go into detail in every street and malls in the city. We thought we had finish the whole city in the first 5 days. When we are at St. Kilda, we missed Melbourne city so much. That's when we think that we love city far more than suburban. We're supposed to spend the rest of the 4days at St. Kilda. But after a night there, we decided to pack our bag and go back to Melbourne city. At the city, I feel like "Yeah this is where I want to be!!!!!"

I have to admit that I'm more of a city girl than small town girl. Even though I might not spend time enjoying the city and spend more time in my own space, I would be happy just like that when I'm staying at city.

My memories of Melbourne?

The excitement of walking down the street, watching ang moh in the country, watching how people would have a cup of coffee on their hand while walking to keep themselves warm.

The excitement to meet my schoolmate there!! I was just ONE LUCKY GIRL. I meet friend here and there while travelling. Though I don't mean that I meet like many friends, it was just one friend I met that make my travelling so much meaningful. Thanks Shirley from Melbourne. Thanks Martina from Jakarta. Thanks Chenting, Sychiann and Andrea from Singapore.

I have to say that it's the best thing in my life. Fact is that the best thing in life only happens once in awhile. And yeah I'm not asking for more.

Shortly after coming back from Melbourne, I have to report to work. I was down with a little flu and fever on my first day of work. A lorry break down in the middle of Penang bridge on my way to work. Bad sign huh? Pretty much.

Then when I arrive at office, I felt warm. My senior instructed me to places I have to know, and introduces me to people there. I was shivering cold from the centralized air-cond. People in the office feel just fine with the temperature but not me. My body got so tired from fighting against the low temperature.

Work was pretty fine so far. Still a lot of thinking was in the process. I still can't figure out the foundation plan for my life. In the process of mapping @,@

Final Year Project

Will this be really final year project? Me and Sim had the same doubts. We can always try our very best to do the best, but nothing is ever secured. Nothing is ever promising in life. Anything can turn wrong in life within seconds and minutes. We just have to be ready always like what girl guide had taught me, cogan kata pandu puteri "selalu sedia".

Another 11 days to presentation day. My heart is still sank with fear. I am easily afraid if anything goes wrong between this period of time. This is the critical time of my life. Seriously critical though its not a billion dollar business, but it's about time which money cannot replace. I am very sure I don't want to waste my time here anymore. I hope I will be able to do my very best in this time before 10th of May.

Studying for exam is easier than doing the technician job, drilling, screwing, measuring, sawing, and cutting. While Sim is doing the operator job with the bread board, from a hole to another hole and test.

Holy holy holy life, this is engineering life and I am 100% sure I don't belong here.

My bed room had turn into mechanical and electronic lab.. A picture describe all.

Really pray hard that everything will be xun xun li li.... After finalise the schematics, I want to go to temple to pray again. I can do my very best, but the rest is on God's hand.

Nearer

I must think I can. The damn lab report need like 30 pages for only 5 marks. So "bo tat" =.=|||

Almost no choice here, cause I did very badly in my midterm test, so I got to give it all. In another 3 weeks time FYP report dateline. I understand everybody is very busy doing their last shot. I must too.

I am doing and doing lab report alone, no source, no friends to refer to. Tough eh. But this is my choice. I brought myself here, so I got to pull it through. Cannot give up. Cannot avoid the struggle, cannot put it aside. Face it face it.

Nothing being checked from the list.

• FYP report
• lab report
• 2 assignment

Focus focus focus focus||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||

My Last Holiday of Uni Life

Today is the last day I am back at Penang, because I am going back to Melaka tonight.

Don't know why I can't sleep well last night.

Brain reluctant to relax.

MMU life for another 55days only!!

And in one month time, FYP report got to finalise.

I have 1 undone assignment,

1 lab session this Thursday follow by 1 lab report,

1 assignment presentation,

1 FYP report including experiment to run,

2 final exams.

Shall I appreciate my days left at uni??

or shall I look forward a fresh beginning after uni?

I should put it this way

Since it is just 55days left, why not live each day at Melaka happily?

Savor everyday left

A happy happy days

So that I will at least have good memories

A party at the start of uni life,

Ends with a party at the end of of uni life.

Yes, I will organise a party.

Invite all my uni friends,

and gather with fried chicken,

Siberian Dream

This is the book I am currently reading. The writer starts the story with her 3 years old at age, start schooling at a kindergarten.

TanSuAnn

I have a very annoying sister.

She is fat, nonono she is just plum.

That is her proclamation. Her mood has been bad lately due to girl's monthly thing. She is slacking down the hill, every day with her laptop and lock herself in the room. It is after series of begging for use of laptop that I get a chance to blog now.

Sometimes, I just don't quite understand the inner voices inside of me. What does it means and all, and why do I think such a way at an angle that is hard to interpret. Day after day, I keep believing something extraordinary that is meant for me is coming towards. I still keep searching for the answer to the mysterious voice, the thoughts that is so different from others. What does it means?

Anybody Successful?

Look around me, so far I only know two people in my life that is successful in making a living.

People I consider successful in getting what they want:

Joann, my CBW senior. My third uncle from mother side, my eldest cousin brother from mother side, and then who else?? I keep looking alertly for people who can change their life the way they want, and I am keeping an eye on it.

Being Moody

Perhaps it is my hunger in the stomach that is affecting my mood. Messaged Chea Wen and went out eat with him. Grateful to have him to go supper.

How I wish I have a laptop, that I can bring everything out of here to do. There are NO big and strong table for me to laid open all the materials I need to do report. Tables in my room is so small. I have no idea how to make full use of the tables I have here.

So, I thought of getting a Japanese table so that I can move my monitor down and keyboard to do my report where I can spread wide all the materials I need on the floor. Sigh. Sometimes when I think about life at Melaka, I start to feel depressed.

I think about the things I frustratingly need and just couldn't do anything to get them. Money limits my life, Melaka limits my life. This two is enough to make my life small.

Everywhere I go in Melaka, I feel unhappy. The people here are so boring, their clothing is lame, not to compare with the tourist here. I mean the local people here. The food here is average. But it is hard to get great appetite for food here. Everything I eat here is the same over and over again.

People said, it is good to be student. Yes it is, but not student in Melaka.

Friday of First Week

Time flies so fast, because I had been mentally not attached with the time. Yesterday was equally good and bad. So it neutralized.

Today I watched London Dreams and continue reading The Monk who Sold His Ferrari. Both are very inspiring and I learn a pool of lessons. The Monk who Sold his Ferrari is a damn fantastic book that it touches my heart so deep inside and made me feel as if the spirit of the book enters my soul and dance inside me.

Didn't sleep at all last night, so I try hard to sleep since 7 in the morning buy failed to sleep until 4pm and accidentally missed my class at 5.30pm because I was so tired the time I woke up and worried I will fall sick if I wake up. An hour with Alan Tan is missed.

Days Left

Days left in MMU is getting lesser and lesser day by day. I'm going to blog about my daily life in my final trimester in the final year.

Being an Epsilon year student absolutely is better than being a Beta year student.

I slept early last night, around 10pm, and to my amusement, I woke up early at 5.30am. Wasting my time clicking here and there on FB for about an hour, I start studying energy system for my FYP. After an hour, I fill my stomach with oat bun filled with pork floss.

Sitting down in front of PC, I thought about life at smaller scale. I thought about happy relationship, the kind of relationship u attached to that will make u feel good each time thinking about the person. It is hard to achieve. And besides, I thought about building a company based on solar system. In my dreams, I vividly feel TNB loses its average profit in the history of electricity business within Malaysia, and that makes me the richest woman in the history.

Fact is, human has better inspiration and dreaming capability in the early morning. Or late at night, when the air is calm and the mind can imagine at greater degree.

Went to class at 10am, Sim came to fetch me to class. I loves to have someone to pick me up for class, and I have it now. Grateful for it. Mr. Pau Kiu Nai was the lecturer of the class. He asked us question which I already know what his answer would be, because I had a short conversation with him during the FYP presentations.

He is telling that, engineer maximum salary wont be as high as businessman, or those in management line. Since all of u are an engineering student, it is better to venture into some kind of management industry so that with both skills on hand you can become engineer's manager and your income comes in different scale compare to that of normal engineer. Engineer forever wont be able to get into manager post.

And he asked our view, on what brings u into engineering course. A student bravely answer his question in clear and loud voice. He said thermodynamics turns him down because fact is this subject is extremely difficult from what I heard from many mechanical students.

Yah and Sim told me he has a religion. He pray upon Steve Jobs. And those who don't is a total failure to him. Guess his believe is too strong. He said that iPhone is the temple, it is within reach in the pocket of his pants. Godly Steve Jobs is always with him. The way he pray to his God is by rubbing the iPhone with his hands 10 times daily. The assembly of God is through iPhone. Sounds like Steve Jobs is the next religion in the information technology era.

We headed to PS for our lunch, had a bad "Nasi Lemak" that caused me damn RM2 where the stall next to it selling at RM1.50. Bought a cup of NesLo, a combination of Nescafe and Milo.

Then Sim drop me back at home and I am here writing this post. Hope you enjoyed my words from my mind.

New Year Resolution 2010

As age increased, in no time I realise my skin is showing my age. No longer has the young look like how I used to have. And so, I got to start using toner and moisturiser strictly twice a day!! There goes the first resolution.

Secondly, to keep my scalp free from dandruff and hair fall. Can't afford to see my hair getting lesser due to hair fall.

Brush my teeth 3 times a day! Wake up, after lunch and before bed time. I had been neglecting this too much!!!!

52kg before 2010 ends!

No buffet on my own.

Stay healthy, no iced water and as little ice cream as possible, to avoid phlegm that makes me feel difficult to breathe.

Jogging once every two days, to prepare fitness for Melbourne trip. And continues to evening walk or evening cycling after graduate.

Improve my cooking skill to grade 2....

No fighting with anyone.... I want to enjoy a peaceful year.....