Congratulations Er Jie

Lessons and Changes

Dear Nic,

I miss you so much. I wish anything that happen in my life now, I can hold on to you. Day after day, I already get used to your silence. It feels like you are lost in real world and lived in my visual world, in my heart.

Today, something nasty happened. I read on the horoscope for tiger. It's so true, that I will face some kind of accident. Asking to be careful. And it did, it just happen.

I learn so many lessons lately. It may sound too old to be learning such a simple lesson.

Lesson will arrive to you naturally when you need it. But it is through pain, that the lesson can be bold enough in your memory.

I cried so much, I cried so hard, I tried so hard. It's all been my evil, my mistakes, my wrongdoings, my wrong understanding, my wrong conception, my wrong principles, my wrong believe. But never mind, everything had happen. I cannot turn back time and fix all the wrongs. Time never move backward, so don't waste your brain power thinking backward, instead put your head up and follow the flow of time, for time only travels forward.

Things that you love, even if it is not the things you love most, you must remember to appreciate it, treasure it, protect it all the time, take the BEST CARE on it, clean it, love it sincerely, and always always make sure the thing is in low risk of accident or damage.

Stop comparing, start value what you have right in front of you. Stop being greedy. One is enough, you don't need many. It applies not only on relationship, it also applies on you friends and family. You can't keep on changing friends, but treasure good friends around you. Take time to buy them gift, keep growing the friendship, keep growing family ties and bonds, that's what make living beautiful, wonderful, warm and safe.

Use money wisely. Don't simply waste it on unnecessary things. Money can help to create better lives around you if you manage your money properly. There's no object you can buy best with money. There's only beautiful feelings of love best invest with money.

The way I put things up, just show that I'm not a businessman type. I am just a girl who is going to work for a company with a good income and make the best in my life.

Working life has show me so many things more I didn't see before. And I start to think and wonder, why this person ends up like this, why that person ends up like that, why a man at age 40 is nothing at all- and we can see how sour he is to himself. But also why, there are some other people who can lead a very good career life, very good family life, very good personal life. WHY?

Have you ever wondered? It started off with he himself. What he want to create in this life. Know yourself well. You will know what is it you want at the end of the day. Everyone has a direction in themselves.

What's the most important thing you need to have. You got to have a vision on it. If you failed to have any vision, you'll probably end up lost and end up the sour soul when age catches you up.

I'm 25, I feel I'm nothing. Yes I had a good job to progress in. But in terms of my moral values, I agree with myself that I'm still very poor at it.

As I grow up, I realize there's so many things so much important than having a good result, a good grades, a good outlook. There are many people out there living a very simple life, not many achievements in their life but they are constantly getting what they want in life. People as such do not need achievement to prove to others they are great. In fact, they are at their best to themselves for their soul is always fulfilled with satisfaction on the daily basis.

Why wanting so many things in life and making your soul feeling desperate, empty, depress, stress, pressure, lonely, and difficult?

Does difficulty in life is what makes people grow? Do people want like to put themselves in a difficult situation?

Look around us, how many of us take a good chance to greet the uncle next door good morning? Uncle how are you doing? How's your daughter? Things like this. How many of us will have the courtesy to do such a thing? And do you know that this courtesy is such an important values in a society?

People nowadays, are becoming more and more personal. They think they can socialize nicely by just going into Facebook looking at the pictures of others' life. What it is? Make a beautiful life of your own. Starting from today. Don't waste your time looking at other's life. Start sketching your own one today.

I'm talking too much of general things.

I want to say something about him here.

God gave me a beautiful man, I didn't treasure it well enough. This is definitely my own wrongdoings. I accept it, I learnt the lesson and I promise myself no second time of same wrongdoings.

It's a lame excuse if I say to myself that this all happened because I am not sure of my direction, and what I truly want. If you don't know your direction and goal, then better off don't get involve in anything. It's really bad to be with someone cause of the fun you see you can obtain.

I had left Sim. We both are no more. The lesson is, be firm in your decision. Once decided move on. Do not look back. Do not let what happened in the past damage what you possibly could have in your current or future life. It was such a simple advise to take from anybody out there, but I couldn't apply it on myself until I lose everything I learn it now. Again, no second time of repeating this same mistakes. It has been repeated for quite long time. And now I will not let it happen again in my life.

Time. Incident. As time travels, incident happen. Once incident happen, things will never be the same again. NEVER. People may give you a few chances before, but once you failed to hold the chances carefully on you hand, you lost everything. When things happen, people make decision and their decision is firm as well. Choices are for you to make when people haven't make the final decisions. Once the decisions is made, you can not change it any more. The decision is FINAL.

People say, just forgive and forget. Yes you may do so, but not repeatedly over the same thing. I can forgive my friend stepping on my foot for once. I can also forget it. But if my friend steps on my foot everyday, and claimed that it's accidentally. And each time he steps on it, he said ops, will I be able to forgive this friend? NO. I probably will scold him if I still care to be friends with him, or I completely ignore him. And can not forget his immoral act on me.

That's best describe what had happen. I'm the one who is doing the stepping repeatedly.

Do not repeat in your mistakes. Avoid it best. Do not repeatedly talk to your friends on the same thing over and over again, people will get bored over it. It's the same thing, I keep sending him the same messages over and over again. He probably is bored over it. It's keeping his interest on my messages lowest. Maybe I can come up with something interesting. Some joke to cheer him up, some stories to make his day better, some encouragement, some positive situation to be inspired from. Yah. I should stop sending all the boring messages that reminds him how sad we both are. I should create some attractions. Yeah. But not now. He probably delete all the messages I send to him. Probably he isn't reading any of it. He just oh. it's from 016-4588789, select all, delete. Settle. No fuss.

Sigh

game over

I have no holes to move

because all holes are perfectly cover up

Is this call don't have fate?

He's firm. Extremely firm.

What can I do::

I haven't slept at all in days
It's been so long since we've talked
And I have been here many times
I just don't know what I'm doing wrong

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

There's only so much I can take
And I just got to let it go
And who knows I might feel better
If I don't try and I don't hope

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

No more waiting, no more aching
No more fighting, no more trying

Maybe there's nothing more to say
And in a funny way I'm calm
Because the power is not mine
I'm just gonna let it fly

What can I do to make you love me
What can I do to make you care
What can I say to make you feel this
What can I do to get you there

Love me

Summary of 2011

So many events happened this year. Good bad. All came together. But it's going to end soon. I cherished every event, moment happened.

Forced To Be Strong

It's over.
Wake up please.
The chapter had ended.

This is a new chapter.
My life has gone through many chapters.

Sometimes I think what I should do when I miss him that much.
I felt the deep suffocation.
What can I do to stop that suffocation?

sigh.
You can be rational.
You can be strong.
You can be tough.
But you can be so struggling keeping up the positive mental attitude and keep on convincing yourself this is all right.

Sometimes, we need tears to wash away all the pain that was chocked inside.

Bored of Relationship

I've never felt this bored of relationship.
Being controlled.
Being jeopardized.
Is not the kind of thing for me.

I'll see if things will change and grow.
If it's not, then I'll definitely leave.
I'm very sure of this decision.
I will not turn back.
Strictly decisive.

I forgotten what does I felt before
When loving someone so much
And the other person do not
Why staying together anymore

I just felt a strong strong urge to leave
No matter what happen
2012 in Penang
Then I'm off somewhere in the Earth

People said,
Listen to your heart
And I know it much
My heart did not want to continue this boring relationship
Anymore

I want to move on into something fun, exciting, happy, lively
Not something like this at all
I cannot live like this
This is not me

If I'm so so sure, perhaps I can call it off in a week or two...
Another break up
Ah just deal with it
I can start all over again

New romance again
New chapter again

I had enough of him,
I'm seriously bored
I'm seriously tired
Having to please him over and over again

I just want to be myself
Having all the fun I always know I'll enjoy
This is just not for me.
ADIOS

Still down the Hill

Everything is fucked up.
Nothing seems fine.

Let it flow let it flow.
Till my luck gets better.

Little Complication

Well well, relationship are headache. I just want to learn to don't care so much. Just go out. Just hang out. Just hug. Just kiss. Don't get deeper. Simple. Less complication. Don't invest too much emotion.

I don't know what kind of life I want to settle my life with. But let's just see how it goes from here. Well we like it here. Easy life. Not so much excitement anymore.

Wonder if I should get out of Malaysia for a living in few years time? 25 is not young anymore. It's the borderline to settle down my life with something.

I am happy to learn in this corporate world. Now I had see how realistic materialistic it has become.

I guess, I gave up ____ already. There's no point going into anymore. The world is so huge. There will be something good for me, I believe. Having faith in life is important. It will attracts what you're faithful in.

Peace. Serenity.

Gigantic lesson

Difficult emotion
Guilty within
Weighty within
Loathed this to happen

Sensed everything was wrong
Been acting differently
Not as friendly as before
Not as cheerful as before

Relationship with people dropped
What has gone wrong
Not interested in good terms
Lost attraction on connection

Learned heavy lesson

1. Stop doing any work hastily
2. Guard invitations, orders and instructions heavily
3. Punctual, earlier and ready to wait
4. Think twice at least, or many times, or ask one, or a few before action
5. Humble in your speech and act
6. Take advise with open heart and check when words of wrongdoing came
7. Learn quicker, listen attentively, work harder but smartest.
8. Make all essential preparations to enter a new day
9. Check thoroughly, careful of thorns, confirm with documents- black and white- chop and sign!
10.Calm, logical, rational, professional, intuition to decision, not feeling, emotion, mood, repulsive.

Found Direction

Glad to have found

Where What Want

Money is power

Money is freedom

Disbelieve in saving

Believe in managing

Believe in expanding

Believe in increasing

Believe in business

My goal is medium

Start off with small

My dream is beautiful home

With all classy design, furniture

A house with garden

Always inspired by classy feeling

Classy music is sweet

Someone to share this life

Work hand in hand

Step by step to beautiful dream

Hyundai Tuscon

Semi-D with garden

Good enough in my perfect living

BOYS

Had an interesting and fun conversation with my colleague today.

I was about to go back.

Making U-turn.

And there, he was standing alone showing sign he's free and relaxed.

I was tired. Exhausted after long day in customer's factory.

I stop and pull down windscreen of my car.

Both of us showing sign, we can chat.

We started talking about our company's management, leadership, shitty people inside and all.

And then we go deep into the importance of psychology.

Till then, we are talking about boys girls courtship.

By the time I am driving back, my mind is full of useful information that I told myself it would help me to grow a great relationship someday.

From what I've read from a book titled "Act like a lady, think like a man", the main needs of a man is support, love, and cookies. And when a man really loves a woman, they will profess, provide and protect.

Today, my finding from the conversation is man needs freedom and a great amount of dignity. How true is this? I am still thinking.

To make a man buying things you want most, giving you tonnes of surprises, doing crazy things just for you, you'll need to know how to pull and push his heart. A man can love deeply, perfectly, but he will not have the drive to do anything to spice the relationship. On the other side, the woman is demanding wanting many things from the man. Having a man who loves her so much isn't enough. Woman wants to feel emotionally connected, emotionally triggered.

What a woman should do, is to rub her man's heart. The more rubbing the stiffer it became. LOL. You've got the idea. So...... good luck with that.

I will experiment and see how good I can go.

Yes, when a man is courting a woman. If the woman likes the man and feels he is good enough, she should show sign that she's fine with him. If she show sign she's off, the man will back off as well. So, at the courting stage the woman should show on and off sign of wanting this man even though she desperately want this man. This is to make things more difficult for the man for man loves challenges. Easy come easy go. Difficult to come, difficult to go. AHA.

Lastly, do not be afraid to reject sweetly. Do not be afraid to push away. But be smart not to push away too hard, careful not to make this man fall down and not come back anymore.

The more you are able to push away, and the more he is able to stand up and come back. You've got in control on this GAME.

Defeat or Victory. Yours to decide.

Tired

Oosh I'm so tired.

3 nights in a row come back home late.

Feels immune at first.

But this tiredness is hitting me hard.

Everything's so messy.

It's time to change.

To get tidy.

To get organized.

To get my things to work smoothly.

To start self-learning.

To start motivated.

To start inspired.

I got to get things moving.

Time and tides wait for no man.

Make A Wish

One wish

I wish I get a man of who can give me a perfect feeling and security to build a happy and prosperous life together.

Unstable

Unstable period of time

Washed away with tears

Not from me

Another party

Instinct drives me
Pushing me to find out

The truth behind

Answer is what known

Denying the fact

Not wanting to face

Is not solution

For my insecure heart

Many uncertain

Chooses

Bright side

Tough times don't last

But tough people do

Not afraid

Just praying

For a good man

To share

My LIFE

Time Will Tell

I cannot know if I will be with him or him for long

I cannot know if I will work here or there for long

I cannot know if I will end up with a jerk or a beauty

I cannot know if I will build a stress-free or a stressful family

I can know, I can take control of my inside

I can know, I can take control of my mentality

I can know, I can take control of my happiness

I can know, I can take control of my character

I can know, I can take control of my financial

I can know, I can take control of my will power

I can know, I can take control of my soul

I can know, I can take control of my belongings

I can know, I can take control of my career

I can know, I can take control of my society

Week at Wong Engineering

It was fun time to learn and spend time with 4 Japanese guys.

Charismatic as it may be, he is also born in the year of tiger same as me.

Drinking last night was not bad.

The round table was too big.

We exchange some shyness in our eye contact.

I guess there isn't much love.

He is the man who will grow Malaysia office rapidly.

But too bad, I might resign.

His incapable GM to see a good remuneration package could grow the company.

An investment worth to put off.

It's below market value.

Don't they know or understand the salary of a position of this standard?

I'm worry I'll shock everyone.

I'm worry I'll disappoint everyone.

I'm worry I'll get bad karma.

I'm worry I might take people for granted.

No doubt the capability of me growing this company is there.

But there's no drive in it.

Betrayal, below market value is all that's hurting.

Why is this big MNC company, with workers having to make ends meet in their finance?

Profitable for sure.

Worker eat cheap food to survive.

Why is that so?

Working with a first class company.

Surviving third class income.

It's all politics.

Incapable leader is letting things to happen and not changing.

What do I want?!

Salary satisfaction?

Comfort zone?

Working environment?

Family like environment?

Loving caring environment?

Challenging environment?

Easy life environment?

Father like manager?

High standard manager?

Or a manager that will smile at me caused I've learned my lesson?

Am I ready to leave my beautiful life?

Will I like myself to step into a hazardous life?

If I were to leave, this is just like a break up to me.

My lovely friends, so lovely friends, so chilling up friends, so fun comfortable friends, so humorous friends, so kindly friends, so laughable friends, so sweet and dear friends... Am I ready to leave them for something out there? I love them so much, but can I be with them longer or will I able to leave?

Oh oh, what do I want Tan Su Ding?

I can't even figure out what type of man I want to land myself into.

Sometimes I like mature & strong hard guy, but sometimes I like soft lovely childish guy.

Things that I want or like is all completely opposite to one another.

Sigh. Why I can be so confused? Has I lost the will power to choose; to really want something anymore? I used to know very clearly what I want. What path I wanted to travel. I was once too dried out on my journey in getting what I want. Might be, the exhaustion is still dancing in my bone.

Do I like easily? Do I love easily?

One note: Why he didn't pick up my phone? Probably he needs to think about me and not ready to see me. Alright, I will take this answer to myself. Sigh.

Sleepless Again

Oh oh... can't sleep due to emotional rush, due to the supplement mum gave me.

Throat is not feeling well.

Well well. I think I love him. Don't think of anything and enjoy the process. Step by step oh.

Perhaps It's Time for Change

I can't be here for long.

For I was forced to embrace it.

The first step to this place is broken.

There's no meaning left to stay.

I will be here till my luck gets better.

For I'm still lazy to move out.
Time will slowly unfold opportunity.

I will go out and fight in new battle.

Things maybe a lot different.

I will meet different people.

I will grow way better.

Wiser leader in me will unfold.

I sometimes wonder.

Why this world is this way.

Stronger will I be.

Better will I become.

Different leadership.

Different values.

All I need is.

The power inside me.

To FIGHT for a new chapter.

From the interview.

I was acknowledged.

Good. Strong. Over Confident.

Yes I may.

For the best or the worst.

I take the risk.

Of doing the best.

For this demanding soul.

Torn Apart

I'm attracted to both men.

Both won my heart in every way.

Now I'm going to distance myself away from them.

No more seeing each other so often.

No more complicating my heart.

I can't do my work properly.

All I see and think is them.

I can't sail in two ship at one time. this is fact.

Working Now

Yah. I am waiting for the backup to be restored into SDD.


I've had the time of my life

And I've never felt this way before

And I swear this is true

And I owe it all to you

I've had the time of my life

Well well, I have to admit that all this good joyous truest beautiful moments with friends, family and colleagues is happening right now for quite sometimes, and it smells forever.

3 men into me. The poorest man stands the boldest in my heart and the richest man stands the thinnest in my heart. Who says money matters most? I'm living it my way. Rich doesn't mean much to me. It's the compatibility, personality, characters and giving, providing ability that counts. Money don't sound when it comes to choosing a partner.

I'm not too sure which one I'll get along with in the end. Too good to be true. I'm glowing glowing glowing.

I don't care what's going on next, I'm thinking hard about perseverance of emotions and balance as such.

I want it all want it all want it all.

Love------

What may come has come,
What shouldn't come has come.

Sigh, sometimes I hate my honesty to tell what's behind. But I am not strong to keep everything to myself. Will this honesty bring damages in between?

Sister is safe. But not mum! She tells dad everything. Obviously dad shouldn't know things which is raw. He should only tastes the delicious cooked up food.

Now that I'm half doomed. Sending my own misery to others. I think I may have get others into complicated thinking.

Congratulations

I feel proud with what he had achieved so far. Proudly, this had always been want I wanted to create in his life. Now he had more than he expected in his career life and don't want me in his life anymore, and that marks the end of our 4years relationship. We are now officially off.

He called and ask how should he share his love and happiness with me when we are so far apart in distance. Well, I told him perhaps this is our fate and destiny. Find happiness at your own.

Feeling proud and great for helping this man who is in depression, very pessimistic, and heavily negative in his thinking. And now, I had successfully transform him into someone optimistic, strongly believe in his own dream, and way much positive thinking than he is before. Though this relationship has to stop right here, I feel all this years is not a waste but something that happened, something very meaningful in my life for I had done something great in his life.

I feel really good looking back at the change he had. From someone in horribly deep shit, emotionally critical into someone respected with loads of money for him. He work really hard, and with little smart. Now, I'm directing and inspiring him to work smart and leave work hard slowly. The result will be tremendously amazing.

Again, I feel good for the achievement he'd got. For this is what I intend to create, and now I see the result. Hoooooooorayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

Blue Day

Very very very very very very sad!!!!!!!!!
Pendrive lost! I like this pendrive so much because it was provided by the company and now it is lost!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wuuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuwuuuuuwwuuuuuwuwuwuwuwu.........

Am I Scary?

I'm down down down down.

I think my manager can be shocked and afraid of me when I suddenly doing things that didn't have sign on my face.

Keep telling myself, reduce outing, reduce dinner outside, but I still failed to reject the dinner invited to celebrate H's birthday.

I needed! not want! Yes I needed more time at home clearing and cleaning what should.

I don't know where I am heading in my life. I take advise from my manager seriously. Build strong foundation, don't involve in politics. Talking about my manager... A lot said that he is like my father. In terms of his age and my age, he appears like my father. We speak hokkien and sense some gap due to the age gap.

Sometimes, I do disagree with what he said but yet I have to agree with respect. No doubt I respect him a lot. Respecting doesn't have to agree and follow his way/style completely. Sometimes I disagree but I still respect. When he pushes me doing things which I felt is wrong, I higher my tone when speaking to him clarifying how wrong it is and look away.

Sometimes, I feel he is afraid of me. When I create chaos that is beyond his imagination and prediction.

I do not know why, I am acting such a way. Is that just me? Who am I? Can I like-respect-support-love-enjoy-follow all the way to the end in a work relationship without any horrible feeling on both party?

Sometimes, I feel like I am betraying people around me for my uncontrollable action. Will they feel that I'm scary?

When I am in silent mode, it means I am arranging my strategy. I put my strategy into action immediately when the confident of winning touches the green level.





Sang happy birthday song to Hafiz today. He is same age as me. Yah, he is one of the most rational man in the office. Of cz Chia and Hafiz are equally rational. I like the idea of being rational.

After 1year of leaving uni, I learnt that a good leader-management must not make decision based on emotions-politics-gossip-relationship. This will only make your work even harder, add working pressure, worst of all, is when your co-worker look down at you with their pair of eye. One sour fact is that, many decides based on relationship! High importance for a sales person to build good relations and gives high attention to their customers.

I'm sorry to most people who see my sour face for many days at office.

Why

Why there isn't a place for me to keep my handbags?
80% of the things I have is rubbish.
But why do I bother keeping them?

This house suppose to be comfortable, but there are too many rubbish. I do keep memorable things, but I don't like to keep things which doesn't unfold meaning or memories.

I hate owning things, because it means my responsibility in guarding it becomes more.
I'm very sad with my croaked teeth. I can't bite at all with my front teeth. I need to get envanline dentin as advertised by xiaxue.

Sigh, life is so meaningless. I don't know what to do. I think too much,I know too much, I asked too much, I questioned too much.

Being me is just so complicated.

About office

Sigh
Sien
Lazy to work.
Feels like I am working for others.

There is war. There is complication. I wonder how people think about me.
I was thinking, they must have been hating me alot. I am thinking, they must have been thinking I am a bullshit. They must have been thinking that I am stupid. They must have been...

I am not a good player. Sometimes I failed to love people genuinely, but I want to do my best in loving people who cares so much about me.

Sigh. People I trust ends up telling lies, ends up acting. Why is it so hard to just simply trust people?? Why is it so hard for people to help me with simple job?? Why must they make it difficult for everyone for the love of politics??

Sometimes, I feel people are scary. Why can't they just be true to me like how I am to them?

Sigh, sigh sigh.

It's been a month long

Disappear from blogging for sometime. I'm here to announce that I'm still doing good great and fantastic.

Though work politics is pushing me to stick my face on the wall.... I would like to think, I'm grateful I'm not jobless. I'm grateful my life is able to get proper balance between personal leisure, family, partner, and friends.

Live life care freely, live happily, live cheerfully, live energetically, live peacefully, live harmoniously, live beautifully, live lovingly, live positively, live fantastically, live wonderfully, live crazily, live meaningfully, live it on live it on.

YAY!!!!!!!!! cheers cheers cheers.

My Hope On You

Saw an advertisement on a job that could offer 7K of salary with one solid year experience. The salary can go up to 10k if you are more experienced. Would someday this kind of money flows to me? aha...

Good news is that Makabe the Japanese boss suggested me to the Singapore Expo and the good news is that the all expenses are taken care by the Singapore office. Appreciate him much.

This morning, my boss told me he got a big hit from Makabe when he was here at Penang. Pity him nia.

Politics

Wished there is less politics, more peace and serenity in my office.

When I pray, I should include this.

I thought this small office is free from politics. Yes, KL office is badly affected with politics, but please don't let the virus affect PG office k!

A kind moment in life to remember:

I was going to customer place. Without asking my colleague where the exact location of the office is, by just google it, I drove all the way down to Kulim just to find myself in a very wrong place. I was lost in a big city of Kulim Hi-Tech Park.

So, I had to call my colleague and he asked me to call my customer to ask for direction. This customer was so kind, he offered himself to come to find me to direct me to their factory without me requesting. I feel touched by their kindness. This world is beautiful when everyone helps each other, showing kindness and care even to the people we don't even see before.

Life Dilemma

Should I buy a house? Should I buy a car? Should I travel more? Should I this should I that....... It's not easy thing to achieve right?

I was informed of something quite ugly today. I should take it positively. Shouldn't take things negatively at all.

Okei, today on, I am going to live a more disciplined and well managed life.

Need to clear my wardrobe again and also my messy make up drawer. Life is so difficult over here at Malaysia. The rich get richer the poor get poorer.

I see more perspective of Malaysia, and it always ended up disappointing. Look at the society, look at their lives. It's all shopping mall oriented. Who becomes richer?? Have you ever ask yourself, why every shopping malls in Malaysia is the same?? The shops you can find in every mall is almost the same!!! Let me name a few here, they are always Himalaya, Watson, Guardian, PDI, Guess, Parkson, Bata, McD, KFC, Pizza Hut, Burger King, Subway and so on. There are only a few repeated branded shops that are able to survive in this high rental malls!! And I just find every malls are just the same. Even if you go up to Melaka, Johor, Penang, or KL wherever you see a big big malls, they are always with the standard branded shops. They are always the same!

You certainly can find Shihlin (Taiwanese food stall), New Zealand Natural, Baskin 31 Robins, Hot dog 1901. Hey people, they are all doing franchising all over Malaysia. People who support them, are making these boss who franchise their business richer.

We no longer find unique, inspired, special, artistic shops in malls. Enthusiast, talented, visionaries, entrepreneurs young people are able to run their business through websites only. Chances are decorating their websites that appear like a shop to them. We shoppers paying some big shit amount of parking just to see the dominant business seller in the market, from a place to another.

And those people who don't have their own standing often find themselves drowned into the blind society of buying fancying and aiming for branded bags and clothing. They themselves become poorer in order to support the rich. And so the rich get richer.

Until today, I still fail to find the meaning or the excitement or the permanent happiness if I were to own some branded bags that would cost 100% of my pay. I would be happy enough with a 70% on sale bag with pretty good design that can serve me well.

I would find my money well spend on helping people, on creating a good relationship/friendship, on creating meaning in the life of others or just giving to the poor ones who failed to fill their stomach with healthy food.

Why do I see the world in such a way? Maybe because I am still not a parent. Maybe someday when I am a mother, I wouldn't say all this. I would just reserve the best for my kids maybe?

I still think doing the best is the best words to live with. Cheers

Finally Free

This whole week, after work was full of outings! And I hit the bed dozing off to sleep in minutes.

Today is the only day I am free from any friends invitations. Yet I am going over to a friend's place after dinner.

I was thinking if I am keeping too many friends? From what am I going to benefit from all that? People used to tell me, we need only a few close friends not big amount of hie bye friends.

Today is the day, long awaited I am able to enjoy the whole day of doing nothing! Well rested. Hormone starts to get imbalance. With cravings for rojak, cravings for tasty food. Missing my bf.

Well well, I was originally a very lazy bum! I have to admit to this. Being lazy at home is genuinely me.

Tomorrow karaoke session with CBW girls. Been quite long since I mix and meet SGGS friends.

Su Ann asked me if I want her for today as she is going out with her friends soon, I didn't request her to stay, because I was so lazy to go out. And now, she went out already.. If she is around, we probably would have go to Sunway for Winter Warmers or Starbucks or Cendol session.

I love my weekdays more. It has been a fun time with my colleague at office. Everyone still not in the mood of work yet. I'm grateful for nice work-mate at office. Pray that all this nice bond can last as long as I am with this Company at Penang.

I like it when life is beautiful.

Friday morning, everyone is not working except me. I was still sleeping and my phone rang. Surprisingly it was my coll, offering to tapao McDonald as breakfast for me. And I drank a whole cup of coffee. The extra nice thing is that, she even put creamer and sugar for me! Starting to love her.

Some other day, dad would go morning walk early morning and go tapao food for us as breakfast. This is the most beautiful thing for me. I feel being pampered.

Some quiet people are actually a very nice people instead. I was working at my customer's place. Skipping my lunch. My stomach was co-operative due to the heavy breakfast of McD. But this girl realise I didn't have anything for my lunch and she offered me biscuits!! Also asked me if I want water. I thought I left my water bottle at car, she asked me to give me bottle and she can help me fill in. I appreciate this beautiful offer made my people I don't even know.

Received bad news from my teacher, as he is leaving to Bangladesh. I would have to work without much assistant from him. Sad sad sad.

Imagine how tough my work is. I am just 1.5 months old in this company and already start going to customer's place on my own.

I like my life here, one sad thing is my bf's work cannot be based Penang. Sigh... if only his dream job is available here...

Real Work

Stupid me, trying to troubleshoot the first PC, still haven't repair the PCL server.

How how how.....

and a shocking news is that, my teacher is leaving to Bangladesh this Sunday! He didn't tell me the first thing I call him. Disappointed!!!!!!!

Then just now Mr. Tio insist that I finish it asap, and if possible ask Mr. Wong to come down.

Aih aih......

End of Second Week at Singapore

We drove to JB's customer's place yesterday. He said he will drop me home. I was like fine.......... The trip to JB was with another sales man. I find myself enjoying the entire car ride. The jams on the road don't make me feel pissed at all, instead welcoming all the jams on the road. hahaha.. How bad I am. In the car ride, I have him accompanying me to kill time on Friday night.

All my friends here are not inviting me to anywhere. That's how unlucky or bad it was. Friday night is important for me to go out and spend some happy laughing night to welcome weekend~

It feels good to be having this chance to escape from home temporarily. I feel peaceful. But sometimes, too peaceful and too quite and the lonesome feeling kick in.

It was really a long journey to send me home, because he was using second link. The way to second link is not near either! Ahh what ever. We are traveling from first link, to second link, then from second link at Singapore to my house passing Orchard road. But I would like conclude that, the journey to my home was nice indeed. We pass through Orchard road, a busy street full of tourist and happy faces.

Then I saw this sign board showing the way to Acid bar, and I was saying oh Acid bar is here I came with friend before. And he immediately trying to twist his steering asking oh u wanna go down here I can drop u here. This words immediately pop out in my mind "mother fucker"!!

When we are at JB, this sales man had directed him wrongly to the hotel he wants to go. This sale man feel sorry for my teacher, cz we are stuck at traffic jam and when the sales man saw the restaurant he needs to go, he immediately say I will just get down from here, the restaurant is just right there I can walk over. My teacher made no indication to send him right in front of the restaurant. I was so pissed with his manner. How could he just put someone by the road side!

Singapore Training

uuh uuh uuh

This is the second week I am here. For official training of my new job as a Consultant Engineer.

Now that I know clearly about my job scope, responsibility, career opportunity and most importantly my mentor.

He has been very kind and committed in educating me lots of things. Almost teaching and giving me everything that a new CE would have to know.

The first 4days of trainings went pretty smooth. Until the 4th day, he invited me to dinner with his wife and sons. From there on everything changes. It was a stressful night I would say. I went home trying to figure out why was that happening in front of me. Why was I feeling so much much awkwardness.

Coincidently, my best friend's house is just few doors away from his home. And that make the stressful drop some.

So on Friday night, I consult my friend who is a guy. And he helped me to interpret the whole thing and his opinion is that his wife might find out that he is interested in me, and that she finds a heavy need to meet me face to face with the hope that this girl his husband is working closely with will not destroy their happy family.

Complication complication. The worst thing of all, I faced sleepless night for two nights, mind full of worries and nonsense. Was imagining myself being a "gundik"!! I was like WTF. How could I become one.

Once, he told me that he was a very conventional, or old minded type of guy. But then, according to Chinese tradition, a man can have many wives as he wishes because his wife will have no say and that his decision is what the family has to obey. His decision on anything is final. It was a very "da nan ren style".

Through the period of us learning things together, he asked me lots of questions of my opinion on him. I always find myself stumbling in finding words for his answer.

So I had sleepless night on Sunday, welcoming Monday with lots of emotions, and mood twisting pushing me to go crazy for nothing. That sounded horrible enough. Something even worst happen then, he brings me to a meeting room for some private talk. He starts bringing the conversation in a long and windy manner. Keywords is that, he wants to educated me, instill in me the importance of Japanese working ethics and culture I should cultivate.

My face dropped immediately when he finish saying, this are the Japanese spirit that I have to bring along the way, and past it down to my future new staff someday. I was so anti-Japanese company already and I will have to implant this spirit in me, contradicts boldly.

After that talking session with me, the whole working hour duration he was not even talking to me, not even looking at me, not even bothered to find me existing. Until the work time is over, we start talking and he start teaching me AP100 Punching machine. We ended quite late. Almost reaching 9pm only I walk out. We both are so exhausted.

This morning, he bring me to the meeting room to talk again. This time, he was saying he had come to understand how "ang moh" oriented I am from his finding and realisation. His brain never stops thinking about work, about me even when he go back home. This is what I find. He said he will have to let me understand how importance it is for him to inject this Japanese blood to me, more important than all the all the software skills he is going to pass down to me. I reassure him with, I had talk about this over with my bf on the phone. And yeah, he pretty believes in my bf opinion, how did your bf advise you on this matter. My bf was sharing with me, whenever he go facebook or chatting, he would make sure that his junior won't see it as he didn't want t create a very bad example.

Now, he was a man who went through a life a man should. He was just a man who faces life difficulty and had struggle through before. Note that, he understands what it is to be a man finding career to define himself, he understands what are the values a girl should be having in supporting a man who are going through the perks and peaks of reality, he understands what it is to be a man who behaves in a nerdy and geeky manner, he knows best what are the values a good wife should have in order to carry the pride of a man. Pride the life of a man.

In fact, he actually had given me a very good answer to my searching in the problems I encounter with my bf.

Yah one important thing I almost forgotten to drop here.

He was talking about man, the fact of what man are. The kind of temptations that men must admit it took much from them to resist. Then he was telling stories of his trips to Myanmar with two other colleagues. And they went massaging. His colleagues was attracted to the girls, know their names and go back looking for the girl the following day. So, he was trying to hint me that men alway have desire!!!! I don't know what are this trying to indicate. I will think about.

It's getting really late here and I will have to go back. Think about it.

New Year Resolution 2011

Back from Cameron Highland

With lots of inspiration

Of what I want to

It goes:

1. Speak less

2. Smile more

3. Save more

4. Read more

5. Eat less

6. Happy more

7. Confident more

8. Laugh moderately

9. Think less

10. Love more