There's a test tonight

No matter how hard I study, I still think that I don't belong to those who will want to score in exam. Been thinking much today. About my life, my future, my emotion, my thinking, my character, my personality, and my behaviour.

I always believed I am more than who I am today. Had been screwing up a lot because I could not seem to find myself in a place where I truly want to strive, as in found something at somewhere where my dream lies within. Got what I mean here? Confusing.

I take a moment to look into myself. I know who I am, I know what I want. The confusion is, getting what I want might destroy some other things I had. And is it worth sacrificing them? After getting through all the kinks, and stitching them back, I wonder if I will ever had the energy to destroy the fear and the limitation I had drawn in me. Can I lead a life without fear? Can I find back the jolly me, carefree me, brave me, cheerful me, confident me, faithful me ever again?

Yeah, I had grow up and become much more matured than before. People around had been given me too many limitation in life that I had to keep up with. I cannot this, I cannot that, if I do this, will cause this and that to become like that.

Am I a control-freak? hmmmmm